Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The Time

It's come.

I'm having less and less of it.

Or, i'm not finding the reasons to make enough of it.

This site has become something i never thought it would become:

Work

When i started The Lustful Quality, it was a thrill for me. The interaction, the sharing of my words, the feedback - all of it was very enjoyable. Back then, i never thought i'd see it through as far as i have.

Early on, i dedicated myself to it, with a strict discipline of posting frequently. I've manned these pages for over two years, and have consistently published (or my host writers) a new post on average of one every three days. That, as i've seen, is a rarity. But it hasn't come without its cost.

I've mentioned my ennui before. Actually, many times before.

I'm not proud of the evolution i allowed of the reasons i continued to publish here. At first it was to share, but ever so gradually, i started to get worked up over the number of visitors i received. I felt that proved my relevance. And when i'd see those numbers cease to climb - and worse, reverse - i'd lose motivation. That lack of motivation can be seen in some of my posts. I'm aware of it, and i'm certain my readers were too, but out of politeness (or intimidation) they chose not to mention it. One telling indicator to me is that not a single post that i've written in the last 5 months have found it's way under the tag Deity's favorites. I tried to create new challenges to reinvigorate my interest, and they would, but only briefly. Soon my attachment to the site would return to where it was - loosely.

Unfortunately, as a result of this shift, the purpose of TransformHer got lost. I couldn't find evidence that i was making the impact that i wanted when i first started here in the list of anonymous web visitors that i religiously checked every single day (and several times throughout that day). That became more and more aggravating, and the choice i needed to consider became very clear. I don't do many things in my life without an exceedingly large amount of passion, and that was what precisely was missing - passion. For that reason, it became more and more unappealing to attach my name to what i felt had diminished to mediocrity.

I'm not taking the site down. I'll leave it up. I'm going to step away from it for awhile, and see if after some time i'll begin to miss it (which i almost certainly will). I can't promise i'll be back, but i can say that if indeed i do decide to turn it off, i'll pen a farewell.

This is not something i enjoy contemplating, and it's not a decision that's easy to make. But i know, taking a step away is the right decision.

It's time.

26 comments:

Marie 'entrain said...

NOOOOOOO!!!!! :(
that is so sad. i hope you love it again soon because we will miss you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Diety,

When you posted "Don't Answer" and I responded that you were scaring me, this was what i felt. Or did not feel. I did not feel your presence anymore, your special light, and I felt alone and cold in the dark.

I am experiencing feeling selfish and selfless at the same time and it has left me in tears. I want you to do and be all that you are and need. Yet I love your words. The images you conjure with the way you group letters, words, sentences and punctuation.

I also wish that I could honor you with my words, but I am not the artist that you are and this is one reason I have been a long time lurker.

I hate saying goodbye. You will be missed, but I am also blessed to have found you in the first place.

Thank you for sharing your gift. Parts of your life. Your darkness. Your sadistic excess. You.

*curtsies*
denise

cutesy pah said...

You will be missed.

Daddy's cutesy pah

Anonymous said...

Hi, i like your blog. I have a spanking blog to. If you like we can exchange links betwen our blogs.

Let me know what you think.

Regards

Spanked Girls said...

Sorry my blog!

Meredith said...

Oh no! I just found a couple months ago, just as I was beginning to explore D/s stuff with my own boyfriend.

I'm going to continue to check beck here in the hopes that you'll change your mind, like last time.

Yours.

Vesta said...

Dear Deity

You always were, and you always will be "relevant".

I don't think we've seen the last of you, thank goodness. So, enjoy the break and see you around the next fork in the road...

V.

victory regained said...

I haven't responded much to things you've said but I have read almost everything you've written even though I found you only a few months ago. My girl (Marie 'entrain) and I have decided to have a D/s relationship because of this blog. You may not be reaching the numbers that you've desired but I can certainly say that those of us who do read your blog enjoy it, love it, and thrive on it. We want it and need it to survive and to live life to its fullest. In my experiences, the number of people you reach and touch is not nearly as important as how deeply you affect people, and we are most definitely very deeply effected. So I ask you, please don't leave, your words mean so much to us.

Velvet said...

Yes, this is somewhat disappointing.

PrettyGirl said...

Step back, take time -- we all need to do that from time to time. When you feel you have something to share, share otherwise enjoy those things that inspire your passion.

I absolutely would hate to lose you forever. I hope as Vesta says, we will see you around the next fork in the road. There are not many people who approach Ds with grace and class. Your sharing has been a gift and a delight.

Be well,

P

sunny said...

Dear Diety,

The reason you have so many passionate fans is because of your passion. Part of the enjoyment of reading is sharing in your delight and glee! If you no longer feel that, I don't think you should feel an obligation to produce just for the sake of writing something.

I thank you for creating such a interesting blog, you made me see so many things in a different way. I now think of you when I see a well dressed young lady with long nails!

This is your world, and you allowed me to have a glimpse, for that I am very grateful.

Why dilute the treasure you have created here if you don't feel like writing right now? I would hope that, no matter what your decision, you will allow your blog to remain so others like me can stumble across it and have their view of the world stretched.

Wishing you all the best no matter what you decide.

oatmeal girl said...

That's what the philosopher said as our D/s relationship started to wear on him "It's work now."

We have enough chores in our lives - a blog should never fall into that category.

Still... well, you know what this blog has meant to me, how you challenged me and helped me grow. This blog become like those height marks on a wall. I would stand against the yardstick and measure how far I'd come when I'd read something that 6 months before would have sent me running and now it was something I longed for.

Though sorry to disappoint you, Deity - no acrylic nail extensions. A girl has to draw a line somewhere.

So I'm sad. But we do what we need to.

You are one of my favorites. I do hope you'll be back. (And should I have more time on my next trip to your city, I wold not be at all afraid of meeting you.)

o.g.

elle said...

Dearest Deity,

I know you say you haven't posted anything in Deity’s favorites in a long while, but I can almost guarantee you are probably one of the favorites - the most read & well thought of, out of all the BDSM bloggers. How could you NOT know that?

Please tell me this is some ruse, some experiment to expand your sadism upon on us poor unsuspecting folk. (A girl can hope, can’t I?)

In all seriousness, take all the time you need. Those of us who love your writing will be waiting patiently to celebrate your return.

Much love,
Elle

Trish said...

I only just found your site, and have found it incredibly enriching. Your writing is far above the vast majority in quality of writing AND quality of knowledge. I highly value what you have to say. I am very thankful you will leave the site up, but I truly hope you will continue to post, even if not as frequently - that's fine, I understand. You have a LIFE. I blog also, in fact I have several blogs, on several subjects. I understand the 'work' aspect because it does feel that way many times. Like others here, I am very thankful to have found you. I recently found a very special man, an incredibly special man, who is also a dominant. He not only has much experience, but he is a man of integrity. He is taking things VERY slow with me, and of course it drives me nuts...lol. But I intend to hang in here for the very long term. It's so worth it. Best of luck and all the best...

sera said...

I agree with Vesta--I don't feel you've nothing to say, at all at all. But we all need some time to hear our own thoughts too. Enjoy the time away.

Hm, on reflection--I think I should add that you and other dominants who write have given me a much fuller understanding of submission and of my partner(s). So thank you for that.

SK said...

I've been blogging for... about five years. Regularly. There was a time when it mattered how many comments and visitors I had. I found that it influenced my writing - I'd try to make it more saucy.

But I got back to the reason why I do it - not for anyone but myself. I haven't even peeked at visitors in...years. I get comments occasionally and I've even gotten offers to submit articles to sites for pay.

But that's not why I do it.

I hope you'll get back to your original intent...if it suits you.

Penny said...

I don't have anything new to add to the comments above, but I want to add my, "I'll miss you." Thank you for all the breathless moments you've given me. I'll be rereading, and hoping for your return.

Destructicon said...

Oh my!

Well, at least I have years of archives to troll through on your hiatus...

You have a truly unique writing voice and a very interesting point of view on a wide range of subjects.

I've quite enjoyed your writings, your postings, your pieces of artistic work, journalistic scribblings, and photo essays.

I was just trolling google images looking for an inflatable gag and a neck corsette to insert into a photo-story and... .. suprise!.. your blog's url appeared high on the lists. (Page two for both)...

It brought me back here to check for a recent post, and led to sadness. . .

I suggest a ghost writer, or perhaps, moderating guest submissions that you find interestin (including a short comment from you at the end?)

You could issue writing challenges, topics, etc. perhaps a way to be engaged without drawing on your creative reserves.

I hope you and your girl are sound and well. . .

cheers for the hours of entertainment and though provocation!

MizP said...

Very sorry to hear you are taking a break, but understand your need to step back. I have been greatly intrigued; fascinated and aroused by your writings.

Hopefully your passion for this blog will be rekindled & you will be back in short order. The inner workings of your delightfully devious mind and your gift of allowing us in will be missed.

Regards,

P.

doll said...

I understand, passion needs to be fueled, words need to be appreciated. I will miss your depth, the cleverness of your prose as you weave strands of desire into our heads. But blogging is just one thing in a life that should be full of richness and I'm certain you have many more pleasurable activites to sate you.

Anonymous said...

That's what can happen with blogging. Good luck with the things you'll be doing instead!

baby girl said...

i'm so sorry that i may no longer get to sink into your intoxicating and hypnotic words, but i understand the need for change.

i hope you make your way back to these pages once you're replenished and re-inspired.

you'll find me here if and when you do.

Anonymous said...

I empathise with you. I started a Live Journal Blog to out myself and my feelings, attitudes, and thoughts related to sexuality - mine and my partner's. At first it was a process I warmly embraced as well as the comments I received from readers. Over time it became repetitive and frankly boring. Eventually I left the blog and moved on - not because human sexuality ceased to mystify me, but because I stimply needed another avenue to explore it. Words had become stale and lost their ability to sustain arousal much like modern pornography.

Robin said...

I can only repeat what the others have already stated: I will miss your intelligent and insightful writing. I too hope that this is only a sabbatical, and that once you are refreshed you will return.
All the best,
Robin

DL's toy said...

i've come back and am making appearance to see if you've found inspiration or a muse of some sort yet. When i saw this still at the top of the blog, i was sad. Soon. As it was meant to be. A little rest and banishing to the corner does not only slaves and sumbmissives well, but also the written verse and blogs as well.

Best wishes and with my fingers crossed,
toy

Anonymous said...

This seems the perfect point to stop and begin reading from the beginning.
I have to say, I am happy you chose to continue.