I'm having less and less of it.
Or, i'm not finding the reasons to make enough of it.
This site has become something i never thought it would become:
When i started The Lustful Quality, it was a thrill for me. The interaction, the sharing of my words, the feedback - all of it was very enjoyable. Back then, i never thought i'd see it through as far as i have.
Early on, i dedicated myself to it, with a strict discipline of posting frequently. I've manned these pages for over two years, and have consistently published (or my host writers) a new post on average of one every three days. That, as i've seen, is a rarity. But it hasn't come without its cost.
I've mentioned my ennui before. Actually, many times before.
I'm not proud of the evolution i allowed of the reasons i continued to publish here. At first it was to share, but ever so gradually, i started to get worked up over the number of visitors i received. I felt that proved my relevance. And when i'd see those numbers cease to climb - and worse, reverse - i'd lose motivation. That lack of motivation can be seen in some of my posts. I'm aware of it, and i'm certain my readers were too, but out of politeness (or intimidation) they chose not to mention it. One telling indicator to me is that not a single post that i've written in the last 5 months have found it's way under the tag Deity's favorites. I tried to create new challenges to reinvigorate my interest, and they would, but only briefly. Soon my attachment to the site would return to where it was - loosely.
Unfortunately, as a result of this shift, the purpose of TransformHer got lost. I couldn't find evidence that i was making the impact that i wanted when i first started here in the list of anonymous web visitors that i religiously checked every single day (and several times throughout that day). That became more and more aggravating, and the choice i needed to consider became very clear. I don't do many things in my life without an exceedingly large amount of passion, and that was what precisely was missing - passion. For that reason, it became more and more unappealing to attach my name to what i felt had diminished to mediocrity.
I'm not taking the site down. I'll leave it up. I'm going to step away from it for awhile, and see if after some time i'll begin to miss it (which i almost certainly will). I can't promise i'll be back, but i can say that if indeed i do decide to turn it off, i'll pen a farewell.
This is not something i enjoy contemplating, and it's not a decision that's easy to make. But i know, taking a step away is the right decision.