Writing for Deity’s site is rather unlike writing for my own (as he pointed out when ensnaring me to this task on short notice). When I write for my blog, a thought will enter my head, or an event has occurred, and I write it down. It is that simple. But, over here, I want to write differently. I want to be true to the soul of a blog belonging to a dominant man, a sadist displaying a deep honesty and integrity that is rare and ambitious.
Originally, I thought three fun posts over the week would be good; good for me and good for you. But, I have been pulled into the lion’s den. With limited time, I needed immediate inspiration. I began to re-read Deity’s words. I found what I was looking for in Restraining Order. It is a fabulous post, as relevant to his life today, I believe, as it was then; as relevant to him as it is to me, or you. I say this because I believe that as strong and capable as we are in this space, we are fragile, often only a moment away from causing our relationship harm.
Both the dominant and the submissive must display in equal measure, all the virtues. To be consistently open, honest and obedient to another person is no easy task. To take responsibility for another, either in a scene, or for life, is not a role to be taken lightly. To get, one has to give, and to give, one gets. We all know this, but it is the accomplishment and potential failure of that noble deed that I speak of here.
In a partnership, a partnership that potentially spans until one’s dying day, mistakes will be made. Feelings will be hurt; one or both team players will be taken to the brink of despair. It’s just life. None of us can stay up in the clouds forever. The rain soaks us all, and we must wait for the sun to shine again. We must give our apologies, declare our love, and try harder to breach the void that can exist between two souls from time to time. We must, ultimately, accept that we are all flawed; all of us. Knowing this, we must accept, and then embrace those flaws, in our partners. To live, and to love another for a long time, is to understand that it can never be perfect, not always.
In ‘Restraining Order’ Deity writes,
“I believe patience is not a virtue. It is a requirement...There will be thrashing, stuttering, doubting, and even contemplation of quitting. Having the ability to calmly slow the knee-jerk reaction to these responses will exponentially benefit both.”
Whilst I have the good fortune to correspond with a few dominant men, I have had less opportunity to talk person to person with submissive females. Thus, I can only speak for myself really. Patience is critical to my relationship with my dominant. I’ve thrashed, stuttered, doubted and contemplated quitting. I have knee-jerked my way through many situations. In spite of my most valiant attempts to be steady, I sometimes thrash about the D/s high seas; uncertain, insecure, searching for the lifebuoy, sinking, lost. At times, the sense of despair is complete and all momentum, gone.
When I look into this abyss, I am unable to see that it is the same black hole that I visited before. I forget that there is a way out of the black hole, and too weak to even cry out ‘Help!’ my survival instincts betray me. Either I am rescued, or I cease to exist. My husband is my dominant; and an anomaly. The children and I love him profoundly; he is as steady, as strong, as unsinkable as a ship; always there to guide the way. Prone to drama, emotional, even tempestuous, his strength and stalwart navigational skills to show us the way through to calmer seas, can be relied on. His sense of the dramatic, his sometimes overbearing nature can overwhelm me, but when I flounder, it is his unnerving way through the storm that always speaks to me. The clouds part, the sun shines weakly, and I begin to wonder if I have the strength after all, perhaps, to get up and try climbing out of the hole. He assures me with his words, his persistence and resolve that we will get through this together, and I begin to feel the warmth on my back. I smile. He infuriates me, but he believes in me. I need him. And, thus we go on, again, hand in hand, with him leading the way.
Over at my blog, I called one of my posts, Light the Way. Long ago, long before we said our marital vows, my husband and I took a shine to a saying, ‘I don’t know where I am going, but I am on my way.’ Some days, I don’t know where I am going, and some days I think maybe he does not know either. But, he convinces me that he does know, and thus we go forward together, him leading the way. Perhaps there will be the odd dead end, but we will retrace our steps, and go on. He will ‘light the way’. All you have to do is believe; be patient, do what comes naturally and you’ll get there in the end; together, with one right behind the other. That’s our way.