Restraining order

I've heard of dominants who approach their power exchange with the same flow and energy as a river rushing over the rocks in its riverbed. Their hunger or gravity pulls them forward and they encounter obstacles, but do not bear them any mind, just roll over them, continuing with the downward force that will empty them into the sea. They act on impulse, and consequences, should any arise, they ignore for they are already miles downstream. This to me is quite chaotic.

I prefer order. I prefer the pace of the tortoise who steadily triumphs over a hastened rodent. I am too obsessed with detail to not take my time. I have often stated to many a female who was curious as to why i didn't scream at their shortcomings at meeting my demands:

I am a very patient man.

I believe patience is not a virtue. It is a requirement. A man seeking to engage in a power exchange with a modern-day female must practice absolute zen-like mindfullness on the kind of journey and spasm her psyche will undergo as she slowly relinquishes control and transforms into the kind of submissive he desires. There will be thrashing, stuttering, doubting, and even contemplation of quitting. Having the ability to calmly slow the knee-jerk reaction to these responses will exponentially benefit both.

Insisting that patience serve prominently in this exchange most likely comes off as intuitive and not something all that surprising. There is, however, something about this patience that most times does not get mention from the dominant perspective.

It must involve restraint.

Restraint is not always just applied to submissives. In fact, the responsible dominant will put several restraints upon himself. I am not offering that the dominant bind himself with straps or rope, gag himself or even lace in a corset. Those are physical restraints. I speak of those that are applied mentally.

I love rewarding my girl. I love giving her compliments, praise, trinkets, preference. I love her reaction to these things, but, i have a responsibility to not offer them without reflection. Just because i love doing it, and because i'm the one in charge, doesn't mean i can abuse this. Rewards need spacing, interruption, in order for them to remain meaningful and important.

In the early stages of our relationship, i wanted to expose her to so many awful, lewd, twisted images and scenarios. I wanted to shove her in positions, situations, tortures. My lust to have her strewn in the most strict postures often overwhelmed me, and even in some situations, i became very greedy. I pushed her too far, before she was ready, which caused her to shut down. I took one liberty too many, not paying attention to her signs: her breathing, her skin tone, her perspiration, even her smell. This results in the exact opposite of what i'd wanted.

As a dominant, the submissive relies on you to know what is best - not universally, and not endlessly, but they expect you to have a better sense of the river's edge than they do. In fact, you engage in a power exchange because you want to be in charge of precisely that.