Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Restraining order

I've heard of dominants who approach their power exchange with the same flow and energy as a river rushing over the rocks in its riverbed. Their hunger or gravity pulls them forward and they encounter obstacles, but do not bear them any mind, just roll over them, continuing with the downward force that will empty them into the sea. They act on impulse, and consequences, should any arise, they ignore for they are already miles downstream. This to me is quite chaotic.

I prefer order. I prefer the pace of the tortoise who steadily triumphs over a hastened rodent. I am too obsessed with detail to not take my time. I have often stated to many a female who was curious as to why i didn't scream at their shortcomings at meeting my demands:

I am a very patient man.

I believe patience is not a virtue. It is a requirement. A man seeking to engage in a power exchange with a modern-day female must practice absolute zen-like mindfullness on the kind of journey and spasm her psyche will undergo as she slowly relinquishes control and transforms into the kind of submissive he desires. There will be thrashing, stuttering, doubting, and even contemplation of quitting. Having the ability to calmly slow the knee-jerk reaction to these responses will exponentially benefit both.

Insisting that patience serve prominently in this exchange most likely comes off as intuitive and not something all that surprising. There is, however, something about this patience that most times does not get mention from the dominant perspective.

It must involve restraint.

Restraint is not always just applied to submissives. In fact, the responsible dominant will put several restraints upon himself. I am not offering that the dominant bind himself with straps or rope, gag himself or even lace in a corset. Those are physical restraints. I speak of those that are applied mentally.

I love rewarding my girl. I love giving her compliments, praise, trinkets, preference. I love her reaction to these things, but, i have a responsibility to not offer them without reflection. Just because i love doing it, and because i'm the one in charge, doesn't mean i can abuse this. Rewards need spacing, interruption, in order for them to remain meaningful and important.

In the early stages of our relationship, i wanted to expose her to so many awful, lewd, twisted images and scenarios. I wanted to shove her in positions, situations, tortures. My lust to have her strewn in the most strict postures often overwhelmed me, and even in some situations, i became very greedy. I pushed her too far, before she was ready, which caused her to shut down. I took one liberty too many, not paying attention to her signs: her breathing, her skin tone, her perspiration, even her smell. This results in the exact opposite of what i'd wanted.

As a dominant, the submissive relies on you to know what is best - not universally, and not endlessly, but they expect you to have a better sense of the river's edge than they do. In fact, you engage in a power exchange because you want to be in charge of precisely that.


Anonymous said...

Beautifully written, as always. Patience is a requirement that is needed in most, if not all, scenario's.

This post rings true, especially in relation to a Dominant. If he/she is not capable of take the time necessary in whatever activity they partake in, then they should definitely rethink their actions.

Patience, for me, is quite important, considering my short temper. I remember my father trying to drill the concept of patience into my head ever since I was little. It's paid off quite well and I'm rather grateful for it.



Ani said...

Patience and restraint, absolutely. Qualities sorely lacking in many people, submissive and dominant alike (myself included). I remain in total awe of your ability to describe such abstract concepts eloquently and unequivocally.

Anonymous said...

Most dominants are unwilling to admit that they get it wrong sometimes so it surprises me that not only are you willing to do this but that an experienced man like you would even make such basic mistakes. You let your excitement overrule the reality of the scene, which is understandable and very human. I imagine you have been your girl's master for only a couple of years but clearly you've made great progress with her training. It would be rewarding to hear her perspective, either with her own blog or an entry on yours.

Pixiepie said...

wonderful...should be a mantra to Dominant everywhere.

Anonymous said...

hi deity, i really enjoyed this post. sometimes i hate the way that my owners can be so patient. i want them to want me, *right now,* all the time. it drives me crazy that they can see me, looking totally cute for them, begging for their attention... and they are happy to make me wait anyway. at least i can have some solace in knowing i'm not the only submissive girl who has to tolerate an infuriatingly patient dominant. :)

littlegirl said...

i agree with persephone that there is nothing quite as frustrating as being at the mercy of someone with an infuriating amount of patience.

of course, there is also nothing quite as erotic. frustration and desire is an intoxicating combination.

and thank you for reminding me that all that merciless patience doesn't come without its price. i'm glad it's not always as effortless as it looks.

{milla} said...

It's interesting what you say about needing to have a handle on the situation always, even more so than the submissive. I feel that the only way I can fully submit is when I fully trust that I won't be destroyed in some way. On the surface that looks like an unreasonable expectation 100% of the time, but I think it's vital and achievable.

Deity said...

i never understand, quite honestly, despite my own struggles to avoid doing it, those dominants who would rush through a scene. You have a beautiful girl bound up at your mercy and you don't wanna take your time drinking that in?

the thing is, i enjoy teaching a girl patience. it's one of my favorite behavior modifications.

i'm the first to admit i get it wrong. i think those who don't are foolish and blowhards. to think every decision i make is infallible leaves the submissive in a very dangerously vulnerable position.

hey there! nice to see you again. i'll make sure to practice my mantra today.

just because they don't act on it, doesn't mean they don't want you. in fact, i'll render a guess that says that their restraint is indicating HOW much they want you.

ah lg, if you only knew how many calories i've burned restraining myself. it's an odd dichotomy, to balance my restraint with hers.

I don't find it weird at all that you would want to avoid your destruction. I'm not so sure i'd call that having a handle on the situation.

{milla} said...

Destruction possibly wasn't the right word.

sub lyn said...

Thank you for a very insightful post, Deity. i like your comment about teaching patience as behavior modification - it is very much, and one that my Master is enjoying teaching me.

Deity said...

sub lyn,
here i am merely expounding on a virtue that i feel is necessary to all humans. if i'm able to impart this sucessfully is something that only time will be able to expose.