Everybody wants a savior. We all want some divine presence who can snap us up from the madness of others, and the madness of a world we don't really understand. I've wanted salvation myself, for as long as i can remember. I've wanted the invisible hands to come into my life and push me out of the way of the speeding vehicle, or to nudge me forward when my courage has bled through my heels. The longer i await the arrival of this entity to set the sands of my conviction firm, the stronger my hunger becomes for it.
I know that most of what i pursue in my relationship with the female creature is an attempt to act as the great liberator they seek. My audacity to believe i could occupy such a role, to be able to shine a light on a path that leads to their ultimate self-awareness has driven my need to continue my own search. From a very early period, i deified my likeness, both mocking the idea that i might be a god but also hoping to approximate one. I make proclamations, orders with little reflection and a great deal of expectation that they are followed. Who am i to believe that i know the correct manner circumstances should occur? Something inside of me indicates that my actions, my will, my beliefs all have a lead. Everyone has an Alpha. A beginning. A moment greater than themselves. I am constantly seeking that moment, that singularity.
Everybody wants a savior. Everybody wants to believe they are valuable enough to see a hand stretched out at them - even if there is a whip dangling from it.