There are days that i want to plop a picture of myself, or my girl, onto the celluloid of this site, declaring once and for all a face to match the name, the words. For those of you who have paid attention, the only declarative image of either of us are those found in a few posts or the ocular avatar staring at you, the reader. All of these are meant to be obscure, indefinite and unadherent.
I've had a public persona, dabbling for awhile in the SM scene under this very same handle i ply here, but that's not quite the same. Few people "stumbled" upon the bondage clubs where i might give a demonstration of which of my submissive's buttocks were more tolerant than the other, whereas there are many who happen upon this site completely unintentionally. With that brings a greater risk of my professional life intersecting with my personal, and as i dabble in games of ill repute and social taboos, it is too much of a liability. I still remember the day when, while scanning the lineup of visitors to Lustful Quality via my site statistics, i came across a visitor who had the same IP address that was assigned to my office's network. I panicked. Had someone discovered my identity, these archives, was blackmail to ensue? Luckily, nothing came about it, and it turned out to be a glitch in the software, but it made me think.
It made me think how angry i am that despite my comfort and openness about this side of my life, i still feel the need to conceal it and hide it away from 98% of the people in my life. It made me confront the overall ignorance of society (i distinguish this from "people", because clearly, individuals have an inclination to SM-related material due to how often i find a new web journal popping up of someone exploring this avenue in their lives), and perhaps accept that there will never come a day where my professional life can happily fall in the comfortable shadow of this passion, this desire, this need.
I pursue SM and my fetishes out of a driving impulse to discover more about myself, which in turn is my way of not rejecting my appetites and nuances. I don't do this every few days, once a week, or even when the occasional moment strikes me. I do it every single minute of every single day. And sometimes it gets very old having to hide this albatross.