Friday, November 20, 2009

Boy training

A commenter on this post made an excellent suggestion that someone tackle the lazies of the male persuasion. Honestly, i just love getting suggestions for posts, and couldn't pass this one up.

Without further ado:

I feel for the most part that this entire site, despite its nomenclature of "transformher", has been dedicated to the ways a man can become a better man. I speak frequently about the need for restraint. I celebrate the virtue and necessity of patience. I subscribe to the notion that what is done here, what i speak of is more than just about sex, but about finding an inner peace and connection with my partner.

But ultimately, the matter that sits at the core of my entire psyche is the unceasing creation of beauty. I know this word automatically has feminine inferences woven into it. Rare is it that someone would say "that man is beautiful" and even if they do, it is something that causes you to take express notice. Additionally, for my sake, beauty is not just physical attractiveness. In fact, we limit the power and prevalence of beauty if we only use physical characteristics as its ingredients.

How does one contribute beauty to the world? With the list of things i chose to highlight in my other post, you'd think offering something beautiful was arduous (you mean i have to wear high heels in order to contribute positively to the world?). Actually, it's quite simple. Just care. That's all you need to do. Care about other people, care about your loved ones, but most importantly, care about yourself.

I'm surrounded by men who have no problem oggling some cute thing fluttering by in her little mini skirt and wedges, all the while their potbellies pour onto the table from where they stuff their mouths with the worst, nutrient-deficient, fat-laden food on the planet. They demand that their women look a specific way - tiny, thin, attractive - yet they give no thought to how they themselves look. They dress like the clothes they own were as inconvenient a formality as the wrapper on their greasy cheeseburger. They take no pride in their appearance, whether it is how little attention they pay to their grooming habits (i have seen some collosally awful haircuts that men seem to care very little about) or how homogenized they've made their outfits (can anyone tell the difference between what a guy wore on Monday to what he wore on a Thursday?).

Let me provide a little background information to round out the context to where i'm coming from. I was raised on a ranch. My father did not wear bespoke clothing. His regular outfit was a plaid button down and some heavily-worn jeans. And that suited his vocation. However, whenever he found himself attending some public function, he made a point to be dressed as nicely and handsomely as possible. He never once was found at a social event not dressing or looking his best. Doing so spoke about the welfare of his family, but also provided other folks with a charming, dashing gentleman to occupy their visual sampling. He knew that there was a bigger purpose than all of us. And i remember giving him a great deal of grief as a boy on Sundays, when i couldn't understand his insistence that i wear my navy suit to "dumb ole church". His simple answer was stolen straight out of a J.D. Salinger story (a fact i didn't learn until years later, on my own, reading "Franny and Zooey").

"Do it for the Fat Lady."

As men, we ask a lot of our women. We ask them to be seductive co-eds. We ask them to be blushing brides. We ask them to be strong, pregnant ladies. We ask them to be diligent partners, and impeccable mothers to our children. All of this is fine and warranted, only if we ask of ourselves on magnitudes much, much higher. We are not under the same pressure that women are to look, act and dress a certain way.

But if i could slow things down, for just a moment, let me speak solely to my very, small male audience.

Do better.

Do and be better. Don't let fatigue allow you to let things slide. Don't let laziness be your calling card. Don't let busyness interrupt your ability to offer more.

If you need encouragement from a bigger force, know for certain that the world benefits when you take the time to care and acknowledge that your contribution on this day is to a much larger and spiritually fulfilling effort.


doll said...

Oh wow Deity

I do wish I could link this to my local paper's blog which is written by a man that aims to 'build a better man'. It speaks volumes about why women become frustrated with men (generalisation I know) and how simple in reality it could be for a man to keep all the women in his life happy.

an excellent post

nancy said...

It is exactly that it is for the good of the world when one takes the time!
Now how to spread the word?

Destructicon said...

"Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the using of strength. "

Henry Ward Beecher

You've hit upon it again Deity - I wish your exhortation and call to duty could reach more ears and eyes...

It would be nice to have our brothers working hard to better the world, but that's hardly realistic is it?

At least they provide contrast to our efforts. . . Without darkness there can be no light! said...

"How does one contribute beauty to the world?...Just care. That's all you need to do. Care about other people, care about your loved ones, but most importantly, care about yourself."

That paragraph is simply one of the most & beautiful things I have ever read.

Thank you.

Aurumgirl said...

Well said.

Handmade Finds said...

I've just discovered your blog, and what better way to be introduced to it than this post? My lucky day.

I very much appreciate that this was written, and that there's a mind 'out there' thinking about beauty, kindness, generosity--all the things that make being human wonderful--and asking the reader to apply it in a personal way to their lives. I take pains with my appearance, even when I go to the grocery store. I do this because I care about myself, and I care about other people. I smile at strangers because I know such an exchange of energy can mean so much and costs so little. Just a little generosity with oneself and others. Thank you for writing this. It was a like an unexpected hug, welcome and warming...

B said...

Beauty is why I am drawn to D/s.

I think I need to dress a tad sharper.

Yup, I think I’ll add that to the package.



Marie 'entrain said...

That was great

magdelena said...


How beautifully you write.
Like Handmade Finds I have just discovered you. I relish the thought of indulging in the warm weave of your words for one of life's greatest delights is to explore a writer that touches your soul.

Deity said...

link away! if i can do anything to improve my fellow men, i'd be quite happy.

forward it out. make it your e-mail signature. print up postcards/stickers/decals. keep repeating it as often as you can.

Is it hardly realistic? What is the point of occupying a space on this dirt if you don't try to somehow improve it/contribute?

better off redd,
Awww, thank you. That's very nice of you to say. It's a tenet i stand by and practice every day.

Hope so (Miss Inspiration).

I'm very glad to hear about the extra effort you go through just in making a trip to the grocery store. My mother used to always make sure she looked her best too. It wasn't a vanity thing, as many suspect, but a way to give thanks for the chance to give back to the world every moment.

I'd love to hear how dressing sharper impacts your day, your outlook and others too.

Thank you darlin. You're most kind.

Do let me know if there is anything else you happen to find enthralling on these pages. Thank you for your kind words.

AphroditeRising said...

Wow. I just found you and I like you already. Indeed, do it for the Fat lady. You're a fascinating person!