There are things that i should not know better how to do than women. Simply put, there is a deficit of femininity on display in this world, and i find it to be a travesty.
- Applying makeup
I should not know how to properly paint a face better than a woman. If it is your choice not to wear makeup, that is fine, but if you do - PLEASE WEAR IT IN A FLATTERING WAY. The absolute lazy way i've seen women apply makeup is atrocious. It doesn't end up accentuating their features, but draws a sharp spotlight on their impatience and lack of care in how they look. Give me five minutes with a girl, and i can show her how she can make her visage appear porcelain and flawless.
- Walking in heels
If you're going to go through the taxing experience of wearing heels, please, please i implore you, look like you enjoy wearing them. Today, i saw a woman (the impetus of this post, actually) in knee-high, black leather boots walking as if she were completely inconvenienced by her choice of footwear. There was no sway in her step. No lilty flow. No playful roll of her hips and ass. Her legs in those boots looked like lumber. If you choose to wear these exquisite items, please don't make me take you aside and provide you with a tutorial about how you "Lift, Move, Drop".
- Lacing a corset
I know that the majority of you have never worn a corset - neither have i. But why do i know how to lace one? Because i've made the plunge and gone somewhere that carries corsets (real ones, with boning and lacing) and have wrapped them around a girl's frame and gone to town. You can only get to this point of knowing how to actually tighten a corset once you take the plunge. I've said it before and i guess will continue to have to say it, but there are fewer, more elegant pleasures than witnessing a girl look at her figure for the first time in the mirror laced. She looks hungry, famished, and most importantly, powerful. Fire burns in her eyes as her hands smooth over her exaggerated, hour-glass figure. Please make this one of your "once-in-a-lifetime" goals - if you are woman, to try, if you are man, to witness.
- Putting on false eyelashes
It's almost comical how easy this is for me, and yet i'm the one, not her, that gets to relish the outcome all night long. My girl has only begun to put her own false eyelashes on. These are somewhat similar to wearing a corset - you can only know their power once you've tried it. And good thing is, false eyelashes are available cheaply and more abundantly than corsets (try your local drugstore). My biggest piece of advice is: patience. It takes time to get it right, but when you do...WOW
- Taking OFF your clothes
Gals do you not know how much power you hold over the men in your life simply by the way you take off all the basic undergarments you've chosen to wear throughout the day? Please, please, please tease him when you de-robe. Take your time, tantalize him. Go slow. Look at him, let him know that you are aware how much this drives him crazy. You are his candy. Don't just rip off the wrapper. Take your time revealing the delicious girl underneath.
The number of times i've had to spend time teaching a girl these (and more) secrets of accentuating their femininity is really heart-breaking. Everything i mention above should be met with excitement and fun. None of it should be seen as work. And yet, i continue to see example after example of women who half-ass their look, when with just a few steps, they could have men eating out of their hand.
I think i should open an academy, but what would i call it?
22 comments:
some of these things are femininity indicators to me too, but others of them really are not. i think the archetype of femininity is more about an overall feeling than concrete "skills," though of course i can appreciate that you, deity, look for these things as *your* indicators.
i know that corsets are one of your nearest and dearest, but every woman does not put on a corset and end up with an hourglass figure. there are lots of examples of body types that just aren't going to respond to the thing in that way. for me personally they don't have much of an effect because i have small breasts, small hips, and a wide ribcage.
most people i know tell me that i'm "all femininity," the "most feminine girl i've ever known," and stuff like that, and it's definitely a quality i'm attracted to in other women as well. and i like when the man i'm involved with tells me what he likes to see me wear, what allures him, etc.
in the same way, i like reading when you tell us the things that you like to see in *your* girl, the things that you admire about her, the things that you ask of her *because* she is a woman, your woman. but when you list requirements for other women, it always rubs me the wrong way.
Well Diety,
you'll do the girls and i'll do the men. Agreed?
perhaps you could call it Mr. Deity's Girl Training Academy? fodder for fantasy.
Very much with you about walking in heels. My mom *insisted* I learn how to do this correctly. "No clomping like a horse!" To this day, I hear her voice when I look at many of the women so-NOT-sashaying down the street.
Makeup, carriage, disrobing, I totally agree that if we're going to do something, we should do it right. But I'm also with persephone that your ideas of how your woman should accentuate her femininity don't necessarily apply across the board to all of us. Persephone can't wear corsets. False eyelashes make me look like my eyelids have frozen open.
Femininity is powerful. But it's more an internal force than the trappings. So to truly enhance it, it's best to adapt your lessons to the strengths of the individual woman.
I think I have to differ on the false eyelashes. One of the women I work with wears them and no doubt she loves the way they accentuate her eyes but to me she always looks like an insect has landed on her eyes. It makes my flesh crawl.
Deity, Sir
What I have most often appreciated about your entries is your great appreciation of the female form and femininity itself. Whenever you describe your girl your descriptions evoke great images and I can not help but believe that the beauty who stands beside you every day fills each of your five senses completely.
Although I do not view the world with the same visual intensity as you do, I can appreciate beauty and am often in awe at the feminine loveliness that surrounds me.
Your perspectives with regards to what is beautiful often causes me to pause and think and although I respect your opinions I must say this one particular entry appears to have created a few prickles along my spine.
Although I believe your ideals of beauty with regards to your girl work, I do not believe that your list is applicable for everyone. Granted, poorly applied make up is often unfortunate, I know for myself that what I think is prettily applied makeup, someone else might think otherwise.
I do not necessarily disagree with your list; however, I believe that no two women can be compared nor expected to follow the same guidelines. If we did, there truly would be nothing unique in our femininity.
~a
Whoa!
I think this is the most dissent I've ever seen accompany any of your posts Deity! *laughing*
Its good to see the replies from ladies who actually have to execute the requests we make.
I'm with you on a lot of the items you mentioned: makeup, carriage (and you should add POSTURE! Nothing screams insecurity and unhappiness with one's self like slouching!)
My sisters were sent to finishing school for many of these points you've highlighted, my brothers and I were just smacked around 'till we clued in.
(I'd also stick table manners on the list if I were you!)
Ciao and thanks, as usual, for the great read.
Goodness, i stirred up quite the bustle with my rather benign post. Because of the lengths of the dissenting comments, i've read and re-read the post in hopes of finding the offense. Sadly, i can't find it.
I see words like "power", but they are in reference to how much a woman has and can have. I see words like "femininity", but even then i do not define what is and what isn't feminine. I merely point out ways (yes ways that i myself enjoy) that femininity can be accentuated.
Nowhere do i insist that there is one way or that this is even a list of adamant requirements. It is one of suggestion, and even more so, consideration for alterations to behaviors already taken up (specifically makeup, heels and disrobing).
As for not every woman putting on a corset and realizing an hourglass figure, Meg, i can only make the suggestion that it was the shape of the corset. If it was an Edwardian or other style that isn't meant to produce a wasp-waisted look, it's true, no hourlgass will be achieved. However, there are corsets (S-shaped) that do. The very way they are designed (with rigid steel-boning that ribs are no match for), mere physics dictates that a girl's torso will react.
I operate largely with the notion that when i am offended by something someone says, it is as much my own internal issue as it is the person who committed the offense. Something inside of me is an open wound that this person has somehow been able to prick, thus my caustic reaction. I suspect some of the negative reaction to this post involves this.
Well I attempted the false lashes for the first time. I had my friend apply them for me. Maybe it was the newness of them, but they were rather uncomfortable. The glue made me feel like my eyes were tight all night. They did make me look doe-eyed which made it worth it.
Actually, as someone who works regularly with writers, I am rather strongly of the opinion that if a large majority of people are giving an author negative feedback, the author would be wise to consider their point. As for the open wound that you may have pricked in your readers, it might have to do with how often women have been told (by parents, boyfriends, society) they are only valuable for their appearance, that they aren't pretty or thin or fat or stylish or natural or ___ enough, and that they are, in general, doing it wrong.
I understand that you (and others) have a fondness for a 1950s-style look, and perhaps that type of dynamic in a relationship, too. But this post reads EXACTLY like one of those 1950s manuals telling women how to behave in order to please their men, and it also rubbed me the wrong way.
My man doesn't WANT the same things you do. Every time I try to slowly disrobe for him (which I very much enjoy), he rips my clothes off or orders me to hurry up. He's happy if I wear makeup well, but just as pleased if I look natural. He loves me in heels and dressed to the nines, but doesn't like the time it takes and the way it gets in the way of me doing practical things. He is in utter agreement with you about corsets, and that's fine with me. But really, I think you have to admit that different people want different things.
I'd be happy to learn some of the things you know. And I agree that it's often sad to see a beautiful woman or a handsome man who, with a little more personal care, could be devastatingly attractive. (The man I share an office with, for instance, looks like a dashing Confederate Army officer, but also smells like one who has been in the field far, far too long.) But at the end of the day, people get to decide these things for themselves, and when you suggest that they aren't capable of making these choices, it sounds fairly condescending to me.
But I still wish you would put up a post about how to put on the false eyelashes.
sera,
Thanks for your comment.
I would hardly say that a "large majority" of the people who've commented are giving me negative feedback. That being said, i did in fact take into consideration the points that were made (that is largely because i have great respect for those who offered their dissent).
The are many differences between what was said in this post (and what is said on this site) and those 1950s manuals you refer to. First and foremost, the women of that era largely had no choice but to act, look and live that way. Choice is at the core of what i've written here (and again what i author on this site). I stipulate no requirements. I made no general orders that ALL women must do as i say.
I adore it when my girl wears makeup, but that is because she takes time and shows care in how she looks. I also adore it when she doesn't. She is stunning with or without. The same goes with everything included in this list.
And lastly, i refer to - nay, HIGHLIGHT - the power women have when wielding these techniques. Power was not something women in the 50s ever were granted or allowed. I'm suggesting that great power over men can be derived when taking time to accentuate femininity (in ways both on and off this list) in addition to contributing more beauty to the world - which is at all ends a divine and spiritual offering.
How can that be in dispute?
Marie,
The only thing i can suggest is that perhaps you put on too much adhesive. You should only need a small amount. And don't use lashes that go the full extend of your lid. Just 3/4s from the very outward edge of your eye, in. That could reduce that feeling of tightness.
As someone who has come to know you rather well, what has not been well understood, I believe, is that your suggestions listed in this post are all designed to enhance a girl. Naturally, not all ideas will work for all girls but nor are they meant to. My “slutty red nails”, for example, something we’ve discussed, have enhanced me; given me a power over my man that I (and he) adore. I’ve learned to be open to suggestions, and I’m soooo appreciative of that!
I have been researching walking - for something entirely unrelated to heels or femininity. I came across this artical - thought it may stir the pot a little.
http://esciencenews.com/articles/2008/09/04/gait.may.be.associated.with.orgasmic.ability
Diety, women are very complicated creatures. Don't ever feel you have to justify your preferences/ orders/choices/fantasies for a woman. They will always find something to object to.
You are only responsible for your girl. She gave you this honour and you are very good at it. She is YOUR girl. Cherish her. Now and forever.
You don't have to post this if you don't want to.
Clemmi
i actually find this post to be enlightening and inspiring. It stimulated me to look at myself in the mirror (figuratively) and think about my own practices. Do i subscribe to all of the areas listed above? No, not really - but i don't feel like my femininity is being questioned by it. Instead, i see areas where i do let my laziness reign and slipshod my makeup or fail to use my wardrobe/walk/disrobing to the fullness of its potential. As i am, i drive my man crazy. How much more would i do so if i only took the time to use what i have deliberately?
Thank you for the inspiration!
Diety,
i feel bad about the language i used in the comments a few days ago. It was not suitable.
Please accept my apologies.
Clemmi
There is an element of the "you're not doing it right" about the post, which too many women know too well. But you should understand that most women will experience almost all the media created "for" them as some sort of variation on this admonition, because, let's face it, it is. Everything we read, everything we see, everything we're taught, everything we hear...it's all about how we're not doing (something) right, and we're just not feminine enough as a result, so we'd better buy what's being shilled. It's really easy to say "just ignore it!", but you know, it's everywhere and it's subtle as well as shrill. You have to know it's there to ignore it.
But I get what you're trying to say. It's clear you wish some women would try a little more, do what works well and don't do it if it doesn't or won't.
Personally, I'd like to see a bit more "you're not _____ enough" pointed towards men, because your list of complaints about women pales in comparison to the many things most men could do to create a little beauty in their appearances. I have a long list of suggestions, as does every single woman alive, I'm sure you know. I could start with "beards", just to pick one topic out of many. I'd fill entire blogs with that list alone, let alone one post. I'm a submissive woman by nature, but there aren't many men I'd deem worthy of women like me around, if I had to judge by the way they choose to present themselves to the world. Most adult men today act and dress like ragamuffin children, down to the sneakers and the T-shirts with "bad" words on them...but they want their women nubile, sexually responsive, and "playboy bunny" perfect. Now that's a sense of entitlement, right there.
For the record, I look great in a corset, stockings, heels, and artfully applied make-up--I'm tall and I'm round, to be sure, and that's the kind of figure corsets flatter. But let me tell you from experience: if you look "hungry" in anything, you'll never be confused for someone powerful--unpredictable, maybe, but not powerful. As someone who wasted way too many years believing I wasn't thin/smart/beautiful/feminine enough, and starving myself towards that end, that hungry look signifies only suicidal perfectionism, which is the most boring version of self-centredness there is. Bugs me that so many of today's runway models display it, and so much media use it as the example of feminine beauty. It's really just an example of poor nourishment and poorer judgement, nothing more. And yet so many buy into it.
Maybe that's why your aesthetic favours that of the 1950's and 1960's--the models of those days never starved, they were a good twenty or thirty pounds heavier than the "beauty ideal" today. They were slim, not skeletal and then photoshopped to look even thinner than that. That's what women are all being measured against, today. Imagine having to meet a standard that insane to be judged worthy. In that context, I think you can understand some of the dissent your post seems to have raised.
greengirl,
thank you for the link. of course, i found it entralling. i'd love to hear about your larger project on walking.
Possession,
I am of course happy that i didn't offend. It truly wasn't my intention (i possess many known ways to offend - this post wasn't one of them). To eradicate laziness, think of how many ills we'd rid ourselves of!
aurumgirl,
this is an incredible comment. thank you for speaking up. in my professional life, i am constantly handling the shrapnel that comes from the scrutiny and judgment of all things feminine, so i can empathize (as much as a man can).
you offer me a challenge to post a theorem on the pass that men in general have been granted, and i intend to take it up.
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