I am blessed with the reality of a full-time power exchange. My girl and i have lived together for over two years, and i have been controlling her dress code for close to five. Simply stating this fact out loud to this digital ether grabs my attention and shakes me. In some ways, it is very difficult for me to grasp that i've been controlling how someone appears to the outside world for a half decade. On occasion, i allow myself the liberty to think of this "project" as an extended art exhibit i have curated - i know what i want to see, how it should look, to the finest detail, and i have fought hard to ensure things appear as i insist. Of course, my girl is not a project, but instead a living, breathing interweave of hormones, rapier wit, stunning beauty and a blessed need to be controlled.
I've spoken about how the practical application of a 24-hour SM relationship must confront certain fantasy-less realities. The mechanism that churns and hums at the House of Deity does not run non-stop or even without hiccups. As i relished the recent post-holiday bliss, i found that the power dynamic between my girl and i had taken a step into the background, acting more as a gesture than an overriding manifesto. It's as if the fingerprint our dynamic has made on our relationship had suddenly lost its dimension, and instead existed as a two-dimensional relief of what it was before we left on vacation. But yet, when you examined the skeletal structure, the simple things we'd established, the dress code, the bed time, you could see that it all still remained. I needed to examine the fingerprint from the perspective of the imprinted rather than the imprinter.
As a testament to her fiery spirit and ferocious grasp of her personal worth, my girl has sometimes questioned what she has seen as a disparity that exists between us from time to time. I don't blame her for doing so. Frankly, on paper, someone who must listen to another person's demands, must abide by their rules, and ultimately doesn't have the final say, does come off as academically unequal. But that's as practical as comparing the gait of a carriage horse to the road upon which he rides.
It is really a simple matter of Form vs. Function. I have said to her many times (to the point of needing to declare it as our house "mantra") that we have two separate (not equal, not unequal, but separate) roles in this house. She exists to make the house livable, comfortable, and pleasant. I exist to make the house work, function, progress. One purpose does not have greater importance than the other. This house cannot satisfy us if it does not provide a congenial way of living, and a congenial way of living cannot exist if a solid structure isn't in place and reinforced regularly.
To put it into explicit, enumerated terms, she provides the extremely necessary:
- Decoration and general home aesthetic
- Flavor found in our food, plant and animal life
- Her infallible beauty and impeccable appearance
- Culture such as outings and recommendations for theatre, opera, museums, music, cinema and other local artisanal exploits
- discipline, both detail-oriented organization of the home or regular physical corporal correction
- establishing a limit on how much she is allowed to feel guilty by undervaluing how much she contributes/gives to herself, to us, to the outside world
- firm and instinctual decision over meals, daily itineraries, her costume
I could easily expand these lists for both of us, and this exercise would not bring us closer to establishing an "equality" between us. It is not an issue that i seek final judgment on because i do not see the purpose of the pursuit. I say this with the implicitly held knowledge that there is much that i do that may allocate the inequality in my direction, but that i ultimately do not care to achieve balance here. The issue of whether or not i pull more weight than her is meaningless to me. I see little utility in attempting to equivocate the genders, and i see even less need to try to balance out what the bottom accomplishes in respects to what the top does.
More importantly, i'd much rather enjoy the beauty she accomplishes when she is free to focus on the rudiments that a submissive girl gets to flaunt.