Saturday, March 22, 2008


A lot can be said with regards to establishing and maintaining a power exchange. Lord knows, i've pasted myriad words up on that endless ebony scrim attempting to detail my own experience. But something occurred to me as i pondered that wall, my experience, and the words i've used to describe it. The more i reflected on this and the self-publishing tomes of other tops and bottoms, i realized that there is a lot that goes unsaid.

Specifically, the reality of life as it interrupts, informs and supersedes a full-blown SM partnership appears to often get omitted. I won't presume the ability to tackle this in one post, nor will i ignorantly believe that this is at all interesting to my readers ("Where're the vignettes of hot bondage?"). But far be it from me to let the unmentioned, on a site that is full of unmentionables, get ignored.

Let's call it "fantasy v. reality":

  • immediate disposal of pants v. gradual, eventual weeding out
My girl's dress code is something i'm quite proud of and do not tire from the administration of it. However, it would be a complete fraud to present the notion that Day One she had a closet full of pants, and by Day Two she possessed zero pantaloons. In four years of our relationship, i have only overseen the last six months as totally pants-less. She got rid of the last pair late last summer. Now, i live in a part of the country that enjoys all four seasons (however shorter and whacked the colder ones are becoming), and one must account for the frigid wind chills that someone not allowed to wear leg-coverings will encounter. Enter legwarmers. Her stockings provide one barrier, but not sufficient when the temperature drops below 40 Fahrenheit. She has collected an assortment in multiple colors and styles that draws as much attention to her as does the fact that she's wearing a dress on a snowy, blistery day.

  • piercings whenever called upon v. her gradual acceptance of the fact
I've known for quite awhile that i would want to mark any girl of mine in various ways as my possession, and one method i wanted to principally employ was piercing. Early in our relationship, i presented the idea to her that she would need to get pierced. For a girl who sported the fairly uncommon nose ring, she held a great deal of resistance to the idea of metal penetrating other parts of her body. I didn't consider her reaction as an indication of a hard limit, but she certainly wasn't budging on the idea. I left it alone for awhile, until one day, she surprised me by announcing that she'd grown very excited about the idea of doing that for me. Within a week, two beautiful rings hung from each of her tits.

  • tightlacing v. our modified version of tightlacing
I love the idea of my girl strapped in her corset all day long. Her mid-section rigidly constrained, all the while exhibiting a fetching waspy waist. In the beginning, she in fact wore it 23 hours a day, even sleeping in it, and only taking it off to bathe and attend to her roughed-up skin. It became clear after a few months, that she was able to achieve the same reduction we both preferred (22") without needing to lace in it while she slumbered. It should become very clear that a power exchange of this nature has the elements to contend with, which we most certainly did when it came to tightlacing. It is nearly impossible for her to lace when the weather gets warmer than 75 degrees. We've explored many options to try to overcome the shear discomfort of a corset on the hot and humid days (even purchased a so-called Summer corset), but have had to concede that the months of July and August are corset-free (except for those occasional trips to the Artic).

These are just a few of the many negotiations i've had to engage in in order to achieve the kind of power exchange i've wanted. The list of these items goes on much much longer, and i certainly could share more of them because i recognize the valuable lesson i learn by retracing them here on "The Lustful Quality". But, even i find myself, after too long, wondering where the hot bondage scenes are.


Anonymous said...

Deity: You and your girl tend to put the rest of us to shame, I fear, but please do tell us more. So much more interesting really than another vignette, hot as they are. I read on another wonderful blog how the girl is noticed by other men because the way she dresses is a bit unusual for the circumstances. Do you mind this? If she were to stumble in her undertakings, perhaps not have time for the corset one morning, would there be repercussions? And to keep those measurements do you monitor food intake too, even chocolate at Easter? More pretty please....


Deity said...

I go into a little detail about how people react to how she dresses in this post, and this one. I don't mind it for the most part, and enjoy it usually when it does happen. I would be quite silly if i couldn't tolerate the stares at what are basically my assertions.

There are certainly repercussions for not following protocol of which she is aware. On those days, should she fall ill for example, there is still a discussion and a negotiation regarding her getting laced up or not.

I don't need to monitor her food intake. She doesn't want to gain weight any more than i want her to gain weight. There are times where i'll tell her that she's done with her meal, but those are very seldom (and usually not something she greets with glee).

doll said...

Now I always find the concept of pants in winter rather strange (and here I am supposing that you are talking about trousers). Even when I lived for a few years in a particularly frigid city I found it preferable to wear skirts,with under skirts and long woollen jackets. Pants just don't give the same coverage although yes the knees have a barrier to the evil winds of winter.

Deity said...

my girl has found that to be the truth as well. You can wear multiple layers beneath a skirt that pants just don't allow.