It's often said that women relate to sex and sexuality on a more cerebral, emotional level, and men on a more visual one. That boys respond more intensely to dirty pictures and girls respond more intensely to a well-drawn mind-fuck.
In my case at least, this is largely true. He will pose me, take photos, pervert my body and gain his mental orgasms from this tangible evidence of my corruption. Conversely, I will be posed, humiliated, corrupted, and gain my literal orgasms from his desires to shape me into these perversions.
In short (and overly-simplistic terms) the visual/behavioral of what he created excites him deeply, while even the very idea of him creating those visuals/behaviors spaces me out of my body and into bliss.
These are generalizations, of course. His connection to sexuality is no less cerebral than my own. Ultimately we're both seeking the same high, just getting to it by two different routes.
But lately, something's changed, and I think I've been looking at the world more like he does.
I've been craving and responding strongly to visual stimuli for my fantasies. The written word, normally the most powerful route to awakening the masochistic animal inside me, has been supplanted by a more rabid response to visual turn-ons. Reading sex blogs, for instance, I'll occasionally come across an exquisite piece of writing which would normally trigger me like nothing else... and yet lately, I'm only mildly affected by such beautifully chosen language.
But then I'll watch a scene from some Kink.com or InSex video, and my arousal is off the scale. I nearly freeze up, I'm so turned on by what I see. I'm not thinking at all, I'm just reacting to it. Sexually reacting. Wanting to see her suffer, wanting to be her in that suffering, wanting his approval or disapproval as he doles those gifts out to her. I almost become her in the image as I witness it, and visual porn usually prevents me from doing that... A written story lets my imagination fill in details, but a sex video is explicit - I normally can't pretend I'm her.
This may not seem entirely different than how I normally process sexuality, but it truly is. Whereas I typically just desire to shut down my brain and disappear into his Stormy in Wonderland vision for me (whatever it may be that he wants) lately I'm seeking out visuals to accommodate what I want, insisting on the exact scenes I need to get aroused.
It's like some strangely surreal concept of topping-from-the-bottom in my fantasy life. And I have no idea where it's coming from.
Does any of this make sense? Fuck, probably not. I'm rambling a bit. I've been thinking about this for a few weeks and hadn't put it into words before. But perhaps, especially given the subject matter, it's better I try and communicate by way of a visual. So maybe this photo will clarify - or confuse - my thesis a bit further.
Contrasting their relative positioning (he being on top, she on the bottom) with the actual substance of the photo, I ask you this: Who exactly is the dominant and who is the... prey?
Somehow I feel like this artwork nicely illustrates my recent fantasy confusions.
I've been feeling and acting a bit predatory for a submissive girl.
P.S. This brilliant and disturbing image was created by the equally brilliant and disturbing artist, Christophe Huet. You'd do yourself a wonderful favor looking through his portfolio at that link. Such a a breathtaking imagination.