Thursday, January 29, 2009

Musk be something in the air

My girl recently got a new job (can you imagine? in this economic climate?) which offered her fantastic benefits. One of those perks was a dual membership to a high quality sports gym (in this city, that means one with a full-sized pool). For the past decade plus, i'd abstained from ascribing my monetary loyalty to a single center of recreation, instead staying fit and nimble through homemade methods. For both economical and rational reasons, i have avoided this atmosphere for the longest time. However, this offer was in fact too good to pass up.

A good portion of my perspiration is earned in the 'weight room' which is situated three floors above the cardio equipment. Almost exclusively, this weight room is the chief dominion of the male side of the species. This alone was the chief reason gyms quite repelled me.

I can't stand men. Plain and simple. Throughout my life, the mass majority of my social outlets have emanated from the fairer sex. I have very few close male friends as the interests that most men seem to attach themselves to offer very little to me. I do not watch football on Sundays (to those non-US readers, that would be the NFL and its upcoming "Super" Bowl). When caught in a conversation with a large number of XY-chromosoned fellas, i find myself saying little, and caring even less about what others actually say. Men in groups are lewd, thoughtless, and incredibly moronic. I've been witness to their remarks about an attractive female who passes by, lucky enough to survive with her panties in tact based on the slimy comments tossed her way. If given the choice, i would always choose the company of the delicate female creature.

Men in gyms are even worse than they are sitting at a table in a public park, people watching. They stare at themselves in the mirror as they curl the heavy weight in their grip, admiring the virility that bulges from every flexed nook and cranny. The huffing and puffing as they struggle to complete yet another body-shredding exercise stands as the single, biggest irritant i'm exposed to in this setting. I take this pageant of masculine excess as the main reason that few ladies venture up to the metal-pumping floor. Until just recently, this bothered me, feeling an inequality existed in the general fitness between both genders. And then, one afternoon, my sense of smell felt the need to weigh into this debate.

I have an incredibly attuned sensory system, with my olfactory skills exceeding all the other senses. I was squatting on the ground, performing repetition after repetition of what's known as the "Woodcutter's swing", which involved me tugging on a rope that was attached to a pulley further attached to a pile of weighted plates. In this position - legs spread, crotch front and center - i could clearly make out the dense, leathery scent of my musk. It wafted into the air, smelling exactly like it does when i'm engaged in some frantic, coital act. At first, i was startled - and very embarrassed. After all, i'd only been working on the resistance machines. There was no feminine stimulation that could explain my body's reaction. But then i began to piece it together. Watching these men grunt, gyrate, flex and heave, they were spending every ounce of testosterone they had in their bodies, and no wonder that someone doing this would give off the same perfume as someone who was mating.

With this in mind, it became very clear why this workout room was mainly a sausage party. Regarding the kind of behavior that takes place in this domain, I can clearly see the wisdom in those females who choose to avoid this overtly masculine cesspool.


SK said...

Well, if the weight room was full of sexy women, wouldn't that be worth revisiting?

Of course there are meatheads who have no necks and old men wearing black socks, but there are also some really intriguing looking gentlemen that are somewhere in between. It's nice to be the only girl in the area. Asking a cute guy if he can help you with the weights and mention how you take the Advanced Yoga classes - you can practically see the erection as the visual goes through both heads. Listening to some really trancey music, moaning and groaning, watching an attractive man can get a girl all hot and bothered.

And it's certainly inspiring to keep coming back.

I will never love working out, it's a necessary evil, so I have to find as many perks as possible.

Seraph said...

Personally? I love that male smell you get in gyms. I can drink in the way many guys smell - some really put me off, but the ones that don't? Nnnggh.

Then again, I'm a flaming queermo, so that's probably why xD

Vestas' Submission said...


Taking it out of the weight room and into nature for a moment, watching a man prune your hedge, or build you a fence, and sweat his way through that, is also quite the turn on. He is expending energy and getting all sweaty because he knows it will make his girl happy.

And, it never fails to turn him on either. As tired as he may be at the end of the day, he always has a little energy saved for inside activities, too.

But, the weight room is also an excellent way to keep the blood pumping, I've noticed. I imagine they'll be seeing you there regularly now!

baby girl said...

"sausage party"

i couldn't help but giggle.

Deity said...

hmmm, for some reason, the image of a sexy woman struggling to lift 40 lbs. over her head in a cold jerk doesn't really inspire sexiness to me. Now, a room full of women doing yoga...

really? I don't mind it, but i certainly don't love it. i guess that speaks to my nearly complete lack of bisexuality. the main reason i think i failed to mention that i think females stay away from the gym is perhaps precisely their reaction to that scent. instinctively, it is supposed to raise arousal. perhaps that's something to avoid when trying to exercise.

prune your hedge, nuh-uh. build you a fence, i'm on board. i don't prune.

baby girl,
had to be said.

doll said...

Did you see the report last week from the chemical fragrance company Firmentech that had analyzed male and female sweat and found that sweat from a male is more attractive than sweat from a female? Perhaps if you worked out in a weights room full of women you would become over powered by the scent, better to remain with the men I think.