Monday, September 10, 2007

Ecstasy

I'm not one to take dictation, but from such a nice girl, i think i can oblige.

Oatmeal girl in a comment on this post quoted something i wrote and then asked a follow-up:

" Without realizing it, i've snapped. I'm in a completely different world. This world consists of energy, and specific postures, and correction."

the Dom's equivalent of subspace? i'm always wanting to know... again and again i ask: what did it feel like? what does it do for you?

Is there an equivalent for the dominant to subspace? Well, to be honest, i hadn't considered it before. I think this comes partially from the fact that i'd never fully confirmed the existence of subspace or headspace as it is sometimes called. I've always bristled at convention, commonly-held definitions, large generalised solutions. Like Murray Burns of A Thousand Clowns, i've railed against conformity. For this reason, i do not refer to myself as my girl's Master or Sir, nor do i refer to her as my slave or submissive. I use the term "dominant" to refer to my half of the power exchange we engage in, but not because that is my title. Following this "Rage Against the Machine", it makes sense that i hadn't verified with sound evidence the exact parameters of subspace nor claimed my own version of the submissive's hideaway.

Effusively threaded throughout my interactions with submissive girls is an achievement i've managed to experience several times. I've described it earlier here as a field of electricity that forms in a small pocket in the chest and grows, soon overtaking the body. I've never gone as far as clinically verifying the anatomy of this charge for the girl, i've simply intuited that is it for me how it is for her how it is for me. I've even witnessed altered states wherein the girl's previously chatty, demure, lady-like corporeal frame has vanished into an ether that fogs her mind with a delicate plushness. I've encountered the production of massive amounts of viscous lubrication that bubbles forth from an artesianal source inside, making this flow feel inhuman if not ungodly. I've heard whispered leathery tongues of Cyrillic chatter channeled by a girl who'd never taken a day of foreign language in her life. I still cannot say, based on the evidence of these ends to my sadistic means, that i have witnessed subspace.

Rapture causes one to react, respond, pronounce out loud a great overcoming. Rapture stimulates one to action. Ecstasy silences. It paralyzes the body with an overflow of joy, freezing the person in the moment of complete exaltation. I have experienced both, during meditation by myself and during the exploration of SM play with a submissive girl. More often than not, when i feel that current blossoming beneath my ribs as i'm marauding across the flesh of my female target, ecstasy enraptures me.

I don't believe i can speak with enough authority about other people's experiences out there to say what it is that happens to me happens to them, but for me there is a click. A very dangerous, audible and physical click where the head no longer controls the body. The circuit breaker in my mind that provides my social congenialities with enough sustaining energy gets tripped. There my "victim" sits, in the dark, uncertain of how large the beast is that looms near her, nor how hungry he is.

My voice changes. It grows deeper, quieter. My breathing also dives deeper, instead of deriving from my lungs, i seem to pull it from way deep in my diaphragm. My temples tingle and pulse. My touch feels electric. Every surface that i press with my fingertips erupts with a field of static separating it from my skin. I feel a heaviness building right at the base of my sternum, that pushes on and then into my stomach, to which my entire digestive system awakens. My cock grows emphatically hard, almost painfully so. A rush of blood engorges my entire groin, making every vein and muscle in this area swell.

But what is not obviously apparent is the harmonic of overwhelming peace that hovers above, acting as a guide through a dark unknown forest. Despite the fact that it takes rather aggressive actions on my part - whipping a leather belt across her buttocks, binding her with tight knots into a hog tie, destroying her identity by layering her under layer after layer of latex - a tranquility does emerge from her consternation. This may come from the rare connection made between two souls who have momentarily rubbed together, or it could just be a tremendous high experienced by two incredibly horny lovers. I'll not try to define (and hence negate) what it is that's happening here because i feel that there is still so much to experience which could prove my rush to definition wrong.

But, i know i'd like to think that what i experience as the dominant is not so drastically different from what she the submissive experiences. She acts as the vessel and i perform the role of the flow - the shape of the sum gets created by our individual nuances. It would make sense that we are equal halves of the same whole, our hemispheres merely a reflection of one another.

12 comments:

jayne said...

I feel my vocabulary is totally inadequate to express my feelings on this post. Deity each time you post you amaze me further and this is the best yet. Thank you for giving us some taste of how it might be for our Dominants. It is so reassuring to think that the depth of his experience marry's with mine.

Anonymous said...

"But, i know i'd like to think that what i experience as the dominant is not so drastically different from what she the submissive experiences."

Isn't it in your interest to explore exactly what your girl is feeling? Isn't it dangerous to simply assume that your feelings are replicated in her. It would seem that some doms don't much care how their subject feels and I know that's not you. You must care - how can you enjoy yourself fully if you doubt whether she does?

It seems to me that your relationship is very deep and caring so it surprises me that you haven't already explored what is happening to her at those rapturous moments. Intuition is a shortcut, are you afraid of her response if you ask?

Deity said...

jayne,
thank you for your comment. i'm glad my post comes across as my offering of my viewpoint

anon,
Isn't it always the most judgmental statements that come from those who don't have the courage to provide their identity.

Did you read anything i wrote, or even beyond the excerpt you chose to quote? Forgive me, but let me define on my own site what my interests are with regards to my girl. It seems a little ironic that on a post where i declare my distaste for conformity, i'd get a comment dropping me into a category.

Most importantly, not knowing anything about me except what you read, you wouldn't know what i do to explore my girl's reaction to our interchange. Even then, no matter how much i investigate, i'll never know what it's like for her, just like i'll never know what it's like for her to bite into a tart green apple. And that's the ultimate point of my post.

Anonymous said...

I understand that you can never know - but are you interested in knowing? My comments are designed to play the devils advocate and challenge a little. Doesn't it make a nice change from subs constantly praising your posts?

thisgirl said...

Deity, what you write here --- 'My voice changes. It grows deeper, quieter.....Every surface that i press with my fingertips erupts with a field of static separating it from my skin'. - i think sounds like the affects adrenaline, animal instinct - the flight or fight hormone,a sort of primeval instinct, and that really i think is what 'dom space' is. I can tell when my Dom is in it. To look at him it looks like he's 'drinking me' - i mean by that it looks like he's taking in everything thats happening to me and savouring it and being turned on by it.

oatmeal girl said...

as the instigator of this post (tho i hate to think of it as dictating - it was more a plea for a peek inside), i must object to the put-down inherent in anon's reference to "subs constantly praising your posts." altho extremely submissive in my relationship with the man who owns and loves me, i am very demanding as to what i read, both in style and content. i value Deity's blog because he has opened doors for me, helping me to see into this world that drew me for a long time. and he writes with an intensity and poetry which reflect in the atmosphere they invoke my own experience of D/s.

you used to scare me, Deity, but not much any more. and in this post you gave me exactly what i needed - and which i should have known you would give if you undertook to answer my question. for which many thanks.

there is so much to say about this essay that each time i think about it i want to start with something else. but looking at it again, i am drawn to what you write in the end. the dom and sub experiences are indeed complementary, and it won't work without the union of them both. while you speak of a field of electricity, for me there is what you perfectly describe as "the ether that fogs the mind." there are the physical changes, the voice changes... i will slip into subspace after just four words, and that i have gone is obvious even over the phone from the instantaneous change in pitch and quality of my voice.

but this, i think, is the core: "the harmonic of overwhelming peace that hovers above, acting as a guide through a dark unknown forest." and perhaps that is why when i am there, not gone to another world but certainly in an altered state of consciousness, i would comply with and be able to endure way more than i could otherwse. because that sense of peace makes me feel safe and loved and cared for in a way that i have never been in my whole life.

it is because we need both halves, i think, that as i continue my own explorations i feel the need to know more about what it is like from the other side of this intense union.

bailey said...

Setting aside the rest of your post (which I loved) I was still troubled by your comment about "subspace" and being unable to confirm its existence. It seems to me that the problem with that notion is that it presupposes there even is a firm and legitimate definition of subspace.

As a submissive girl, I've frequently been discouraged and distressed by all the ways people seek to define an experience I know within me, but in my own unique way. It took a long time to finally realize that subspace is - to a large extent - a unique reality, not a general one. Different submissives connect to different things when they refer to subspace. The same is probably true of the dominant-equivalent. I do know that electricity you speak of very well.

Perhaps you need not worry about making a specific comparison at all. It is your interpretation of it - that both you and your girl feel 'rapture' - that is the most important thing of all. :-)

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To "anonymous", I thought your comments were interesting enough to address them directly...

I think that any dominant (who isn't just an ass pretending to be a dom) constantly explores how his girl is feeling. It is - in essence - one of the most fundamental connections between two people in a D/s relationship. To make her as he wants, he must know her (as much as possible) as she is in any given moment. It is virtually his raison d'ĂȘtre... if he has any hope of achieving what he desires for them both.

As such, I've found your remarks a bit bizarre, since you seem to presume that there could be any natural dominant that isn't exploring that on a constant basis.

Frankly, I would be very wary of any dominant who wasn't attuned to such details above all else. I'm not sure that I would even consider him dominant... that sounds more like a self-gratifying abuser.

Since your own words are that the writer of this post is in a "deep and caring" relationship, then perhaps it is your own understanding of what a dominant is that is the issue, rather than the matters this blogger has chosen to share here.

Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

"Frankly, I would be very wary of any dominant who wasn't attuned to such details above all else. I'm not sure that I would even consider him dominant... that sounds more like a self-gratifying abuser."

You've hit my point. Most of the doms I have come across simply enjoy hurting women - they are the opposite of Deity. But these abusers always call themselves doms, thus giving true doms a very bad name. Much online fetish content is not about the power exchange, but about dressing up abuse of women to look like this.

An example would be the now defunct insex.com. I have known women permanently physically, mentally and emotionally scarred by taking part in their bondage shoots. I can tell from this blog that Deity is not one of those men but I fear that very few are like him and most just get off on hurting women, caring little for their subs pleasure and only their own.

My comments are designed to start discussions such as these to differentiate between the correct and incorrect behaviour of male doms for people reading.

Deity said...

anon,
i welcome devil's advocates if they accomplish something more than just being contrarian.

this girl,
how exciting it must be to recognize that kind of consumption. As for "drinking" you, I couldn't think of a more delicious cocktail than one made with the struggles of a submissive girl.

o.g.,
I'm sorry to hear i don't scare you anymore. Nothing like a good sudden peak in heartbeat.

Both halves are crucial. It really does start to feel like one is not complete without the other. Not in a co-dependent way, but in a "can't imagine i'd find this in someone else" sort of way.

bailey,
i agree. i think seeking a definition isn't necessary. it muddies the real work, which is exploring the uniqueness of the attraction and connection between two unique individuals. I think since i serve as somewhat a voice for dominants (either experienced or not) just by virtue of having this site, i wanted to express that i've at least pondered the general definition of a term so many people toss around.

oatmeal girl said...

Deity, it's not your fault that you no longer scare me. as i tumble deeper into the rabbit hole of my submission, it takes a lot more to make me gasp and back away and say no, i can't deal with that....

blush said...

I loved this glimpse at the 'other' side. Thank you!

Deity said...

o.g.,
know that you have inadvertently installed in me a desire to find something to frighten you with. be warned.

blush,
you are most welcome, both for your presence on my page and also for any pleasure my post may have delivered.