Inspired, I thought it good to write down my most recent SM interaction, this time taking it to a little more personal place than my previous blogs. My friend Deity returns today. It's been a pleasure filling in during his absence and I look forward to welcoming him back as normal service is resumed.
The question I get asked most is this: am I able to retain a passion for my own fetishes while working in it each and every day? The short answer is yes and no. As you might expect, I find my personal fetish life to be irregular and subject to change. I am currently having a on/off, what word can I even call this... 'thing' with a friend. Thing seems the best word. It's not a relationship. Fuckbuddy might do the descriptive trick. We have been playing for nearly 2 years.
He is a sub with me but not with his girlfriend. I should say ex-girlfriend because they split last week after 18 months together. We have been friends for many years and he is a joy to look at - an English born, Mauritian descended biker, a burly, musclebound gentleman with a tremendously erotic voice, deep in cadence. The first half of the evening is always jovial and chatty. Fortunately, my flat mate was out so we had full access to the apartment. With his back towards me, I allowed myself a smile as I forced him to stand by the living room window wearing only a transparent sheer thong and hood with inbuilt blindfold as I turned his ass cheeks red with my crop (I prefer a flogger but seem to have temporarily mislaid my red plastic, with metal handle, German-made implement. I like it best because it hurts the most!) As you'd imagine, he's aroused by the thought of passersby looking up to see him standing in the window. He posed for me in underwear, he is servant to his thong fetish and has hundreds of pairs.
When it was time to leave I plugged him (with a too small plug I thought, next time a larger one will be used) to signify my ownership and mentioned that we had not yet used my triangular stainless steel plug. His eyes lit up at the very idea. He drove home with it still inside of course.
What all this signifies is that I am able to retain a frisson of excitement for private SM life, despite my job. I find that if these occasions are sparingly used then I will keep my interest in such things. Were he and I to do this every week I'm sure I would become quickly bored. As it was, it was a satisfying evening.
9 comments:
So I was right, you don't have a regular love life or a family of your own at the time - seems like your job is demanding and requires some travel, which I would imagine would make it hard. You are English, too, from what you say - to me this prolonged youth is more of a European thing (but not in the part of the Middle East where I come from) and back in US. The most shocking thing for me in Europe was the smart car - designed for people without a family. My next vehicle is a minivan. Do you want to start a family at some point?
After reading Farmwife's comment on the last post I began to wonder the same thing. Is "fetish insider" fulfilled? As I'm sure your job is at least satisfying, it looks like your private life lacks a little something. You described your private intimacy like a job description. To be polite, it was nice of you to fill in for deity while he was away.
-Wren
I wanted to add that perhaps my comment sounds judgmental and that's not what I mean. I am simply curious.
Wow, Fetish Insider, (while I freely admit I miss Deity terribly) they sure have given you a hard time, haven't they?
I, for one, have enjoyed your unique insight. I realise ideas of what's fulfilling in life are different for everyone.
I too found this a very interesting compliment to Deity's blog, it's always curious to meet people's friends. What causes friendship to occur, sometimes I meet people I assume I'll be brilliant friends with, and there is no spark, and vice versa. So it's interesting to consider the situations in which you two became friends. Thanks for being honest and for sharing with us mere blogworld shadows.
Thanks Ms. Insider.
Welcome back Mr Deity ;)
milla
PS. Deity Ilve had my first experiences with my Domly partner modifying my appearance to a certain degree. I'll blog on it soon I assume, but I thought of you when it was occuring and smiled.
amber,
you are always the little detective. I like your sense of curiosity and discovery. It's an obvious aspect of your life as made clear by your own journal. Thank you for keeping FI on her toes while i was away. Someone needs to.
wren,
i'm not sure i've had the pleasure of your acquaintance before FI took the reins. Thank you for piping up. Always good to hear i've made an impression on someone.
ani,
they did have a go at her, didn't they? But between you and me, FI is one tough dame and could easily handle whatever scrutiny she received.
milla,
nice to see you in my comment section again! i'm so glad that you enjoyed FI's viewpoint, i know i do. i'm quite jealous of the list of models she's had the opportunity to thwack.
i'm overjoyed to hear that you've submitted to modification, and look forward to your documentation of the process. please make sure to include how it made you feel. that stuff gets me going every time.
And finally...
Dear Fetish Insider,
You have once again thrilled me and amazed me with your wit, sharpness and perspective. I owe you a huge debt for taking over while i was gone.
I plan on really thanking you in my own unique way.
Oh, Deity, so nice to have you back - can't read some more of your writing, just for the style of it, but I am also dying to know how your trip went , as much as you are willing to share with us.
It is I, the guest blogger.
I very much enjoyed my little fill in for Deity. I didn't feel that any of you gave me a hard time - my writing here was purposely more cold than my real life writing would be. You can imagine how many people I would prefer didn't find out about my writing here so to compensate I adopted a harder fetish persona than I actually have. In writing at least!
To answer, farmwife. Sure, I would like a family at some point but I am only 30 and it's not something that occupies my thoughts much. My job is demanding, stressful and, frankly, nowhere near as inspiring or satisfying as it used to be.
Wren - my private life is something I am extremely happy and fulfilled in. I have wonderful friends and family and a crazy fun social life. What is lacking in my life is a job that I love, sadly. But you never know what is around the corner. And thank you Milla for your kind words.
Finally, welcome back young man ;o)
FI - thank you for sharing. Perhaps it's time to find another job? I think it's important to develop a vision of what's your ultimate purpose/goal in life to make that life happen, including forming an idea of a job that is fulfilling. It happened to me too, though, I have to admit, that I have achieved the fulfillment of nearly every dream I've ever had down to the details such as a lovely vineyard and a large diamond, and now I wonder what to do next. It seems to me that you are at the same point yourself, in a sense.
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