Sadly, it doesn't involve another female. It focuses solely on me (yes, as if an entire journal dedicated to me wasn't enough). Well, on when i first discovered the indefensible tug the process of metamorphosis has over me.
I was 12 years old, plopped on my couch in front of the television on a Saturday morning (my how that device fed my development), watching one of my favorite programs which retold contemporary young adult books in a half hour cartoon format. The narrative of that day's featured story showcased a young boy who was constantly pushed around by a bully, and, losing his ability to tolerate it, sought a way to address it (i immediately could relate to this situation because i had long suffered at the hands of bullies throughout the years). It opens with him trying to escape yet another incident where he is chased and harassed. He stumbles upon a magic store that he hadn't seen before, down an alley he never knew existed. He wanders inside to be met by an eccentric shopkeeper who offers him a solution. Rushing home, he tries out the device that will eventually lead him to solve his bullying problem.
The Monster's Ring
This is an excerpt i found of the author, Bruce Coville narrating his tale. I invite you, the readers, to listen to the whole 15 minute clip. It is how i remember it when i first read it (i would subsequently, after seeing the cartoon, check out the book from the library well over 40 times). For those of you who'd just like to hear the important part, you can fast forward to the 10 minute and 10 second mark. This is my first attempt at a sort of multimedia journal entry, so you'll need realplayer to hear the excerpt in order to fully understand what i'm referring to.
I felt a strange sensation like young Russell as i watched this tale, but it wasn't in my forehead. As i watched his physical features morph into a beast, and then more incredibly his appetites and his instincts become ruled by the monster he was changing into, i felt an incredible surge of lust and arousal. His change filled him with the power to take control of the situation. As he gave over to the rising monster, he was able to use it to eradicate the bully in his life. Witnessing the ecstasy he experienced in letting out his most hideous, ravenously evil side obviously stirred an innate desire in me to harness the same force. For many years following, i was easily aroused when i dreamt up transformations that happened to me. Most of my energy in fact focused on this aspect: auto-metamorphoses.
Something, however, trumped this. It first appeared in literature and movies, where i came across instances of a woman undertaking a conversion at the hands of a male "master" (Lucy Wisterna in 'Dracula', Princess Lily in 'Legend'). It overpowered my interest in turning the transformation on myself when i then encountered females who would willingly hand over the future of their mental and physical state to someone else. I wanted to embrace the power of becoming the Creator in their world. I wanted to tackle the hunger that wells up inside of me whenever i encounter the feminine creature by making her completely mine.