A XXXmas tale from ole Deity

When ole Deity was little, he absolutely loved Christmas. He would lay under the tree in the living room and just stare up through all the twinkly lights, the shiny ornaments and the velvet green pine needles all night long. He loved the Christmas songs that came out of this electronic sound box his parents had bought that synced the twinkle of the lights to sharp-pitched tones. He loved how this was the only room in the entire house he could lay and feel alone, but not in solitude. He loved that not far away he could hear the plates and glasses from dinner being cleaned and put into the dishwasher, and even further in the distance, the blurry vocal static of the television that his dad was watching. Not even his lovable orange tomcat came and broke his sanctuary. Hours and hours were spent underneath that tree, all in anticipation for the morning of Christmas day.

Now, you might think that the little boy was excited about the presents that he would be opening once Christmas arrived, but that was not what was going through his head. Every year, before the presents were opened, his family held a little ceremony where the little baby Jesus figurine was put into the handmade Nativity scene that sprawled all over the coffee table. Nothing could happen before this took place - no presents, no hot cocoa, no cinnamon rolls, no carols - NOTHING. The honor of placing the baby Jesus into the manger had always fallen to the little boy, and he considered it magical - he was the one who started Christmas.

One year, a few days before Christmas, the little boy's mother informed him that they were having to make a slight change to the way things worked on Christmas morning. She told him that his older sister had asked if she could place the baby Jesus in the manger this year, and his mother thought that it made sense to share the duties. The little boy didn't think it made sense at all. He erupted, screaming, hollering and tossing about the entire room. This response took his mother by complete surprise, and she saw that she needed to come up with a solution quickly. She told the little boy that he could carry the candle into the room that was used to light all the other candles around the manger - something his mother told him also needed to happen in order for Christmas to start. Until now, that role had been one of his parents, an adult role, and she thought he was a big enough boy to handle that important responsibility. The boy quieted down and accepted the role, but only after his mother told him that next year he'd get to be the one to place the baby Jesus (they'd alternate years).

So, on that morning, he stood in the hallway with his sister. He watched as she opened her hands, and his mother placed the beautiful figurine in her out-stretched palms. He then watched as she bent down and carefully lit the white candle he gripped tightly. His sister turned and began walking into the living room, and he followed, making sure to step carefully so that the flame didn't get blown away by his movement. He kept one eye on the bright fiery light and one on his sister as she stopped in front of the manger. And just as she bent down to gingerly place the porcelain child into his cradle...

...the little boy lifted the candle to the back of her head, and lit her hair on fire.

Multi-tasking

The thing that interests me the most about cooking is the chemistry involved. You can take an egg (a liquid) and apply heat to it, and it changes into a solid (an omelet). Because I'm able to understand these phase changes, I'm actually a very gifted cook. I can read a recipe once, understand the basic methodology the various chemical/physical reactions it's intending to create, and improvise. I'm able to open my fridge, scan the leftovers, jars and vegetables, and compile a quick meal that exceeds most courses on offer at higher end restaurants. I'm not saying this from my point of view. I'm saying it from the point of view of the countless dozens of people who have been the recipient of my cooking. They cannot help themselves but offer their joy and delight upon immediately tasting the cuisine in front of them. All it takes to make a good dinner is concentration and clarity.

So then, why would I fuck with this combination by putting my girl into a predicament bondage tie while I'm in the middle of preparing the main course for an upcoming dinner party?

It had been awhile since she and I had played, and we had both been able to take off some extended time from our jobs during the holidays. This left us with more leisure time than we're used to having. I was going to the Italian market that morning, to get the essential ingredients for the sauce I'd be serving for dinner. As I was leaving, my girl came to me and expressed her interest in being tied up at some point that day - and who would turn that down? I told her I would be able to work it in once I started cooking.

The afternoon arrived, and I led her to the bedroom. On the bed, I had already laid out four 7-meter lengths of hemp rope, her latex-strapped wand/vibe harness, and her baby pink latex hood from Kink Engineering. I quickly bound her arms at her elbows, then anchored these to her torso, encircling her tits, until all bits were well wrapped and squeezed. I moved to her left leg, and affixing her wrists to her ankles, bound up her leg so that it was pointing up towards the ceiling. I repeated this same arrangement on her right side, threaded the rope through the outer bars of her bed, which forced her thighs up and outward. She would not be closing those for the entire time she was bound. I buckled her Hitachi into the harness wound around her crotch, and rest it between her legs. The head of the wand rested firmly against her naked, anticipating cunt. The last thing I did was to pull the snug, pink latex hood over her head, ensuring the micro-cut nose holes were in the right spot on her face.
And then I left.

I wandered into the kitchen, set the timer on the oven for 8 minutes, and began preparing the ingredients for my tomato sauce. When the timer went off, I quietly entered the bedroom. I began to inspect the rope, to make sure her circulation remained vibrant. I checked to make sure her breathing in the hood wasn't too obstructed. Kissed her delicately on the shiny, pink forehead, then flicked the switch on the Hitachi to 'low', and exited the bedroom.

Setting the kitchen timer to 10 minutes, I returned to my task, sautéing the ingredients I had prepared. The scent of the aromatics in the pan finally burst into the air right as the timer went off.

Once again, I penetrated the quiet bedroom, but this time, I was met with the constant hum of the Hitachi, and the seductive myews of a girl slowly reducing into a sexual collapse. Immediately, I turned the wand off. I methodically checked the rope and her breathing, and saw that she could easily remain for a good time more. I began to walk myself back to the kitchen, but before I left the room, I felt the rhythmic throb of my erect cock tenting out my slacks. In fact, once I took a moment to notice, my entire demeanor had altered, and a hunger to torment smeared itself all over my face. I reached into the nightstand and pulled out my black, latex cock sheath, lubed up my pulsing member, and slid it into the sheath.

I went back to the kitchen to attend to the sauce cooking on the stove. Set the kitchen timer for 8 minutes, and tried as much as possible to not think about the bound, naked, writhing frame lying on my bed.

Over the course of 45 minutes, I would repeat the cycle of wand on/wand off, eventually building the crescendo of not being able to stop myself from sampling the pool of erotic energy that once was my girl.

Incidentally, the sauce turned out amazing. Our dinner guests couldn't stop praising its richness and vitality.

Scene it all

As you make your way through your own sexual discovery, you tend to spend the initial stages of this exploration within your mind. It's not common that you share this embryonic experience with others. Not yet. You play with the new sensations in your head. Flexing the new connections between stronger, fortified and maturing muscles. When you are ready (or more likely when you aren't), suddenly presented with a partner (or partners), you venture into an experimental stage with others. It's from this point where you forge deep, intimate connections with these individuals who share similar appetites as yours, each of you uncovering new forms of expression that broaden a nascent language of the skin and senses. If you are blessed, you look around this new world, and see similar souls, each seeking the same sexual sustenance - synchronicity, symbiosis, singularity.

But what happens if you are not fortunate enough to find those "others"? What happens if you discover that your sexual desires do not match the oft-repeated examples from society and culture around you? Do you start to doubt the authenticity of your needs and hungers? Do you embark on a long voyage of self-betrayal, doubt and denial?

It's been nearly 20 years since I saw my first fetish images from the unsanctioned use of an Internet-enabled computer I was stationed at for a mindless temp job (back then, "Internet-enabled" was in fact a very common thing). What I felt as I clicked through a seemingly endless assortment of grainy images of women clad - head-to-toe - in shiny rubber was a pulse that throbbed in me unlike anything else up to this point. It triggered alive some sort of contraption in my body that sought a source of fuel and energy not easily found, and more importantly, one that my then-current environment labeled as perverted, wrong and unacceptable. I was forced to take my sexuality deep underground.

This subterfuge led me to relocate to a different city, a much larger one, with the promise that I'd find other like-minded souls operating in a world where I could satisfy and explore this erotic currency much more freely. Since my emigration, there have been many unconnected experiences that have fulfilled, but even today, I cannot ignore my deep dissatisfaction with "the scene". As recently as this past Halloween, my girl and I went to the self-proclaimed "Premiere Fetish Play Party" in Gotham, only to be incredibly let down at how enormously disorganized and scattered this world was. I won't go into detail about what we encountered, only to say that if this is the preeminent celebration of kink in this metropolis, fetish is unattractive, sociopathic and rude. After an evening of extreme letdowns, I had to come to grips with the fact that in this massively chaotic and unbridled city, you still are not able to find the environment that permits you to foster the deep kind of intimacy you'd think a playground of this size would allow.

I wonder if those of you reading this have found similar disappointments. I invite you to share your experiences in the comments to this post. I'd really love to hear your successes and your misfortunes. Perhaps here on these pages, we can have a dialog over what sort of landscape we'd hope to find. Perhaps, we can find ways to not feel totally isolated and alone.

Risk taken

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Patron

One of my favorite operas of all time is Mozart's 'Don Giovanni'. There are many parts of the opera that repeatedly pop up in my mind. However, the frustrated aria sung by Masetto sticks in my head more than the others. In "Ho Capito, signor, si", Masetto is expressing his resentment at Don Giovanni for pushing him out of the scene, but knows there is nothing he can do. Why? Because Don Giovanni is his boss.

We all have them, in some form. Odds are we all have one at our place of employment, telling us what to do and what rules to follow. Sometimes, we really enjoy their placement above us in the food chain - because they provide shelter, stability and guidance. Other times, like for poor Masetto, they are overbearing and unruly. (And for the record, I don't do well with reporting to someone, and have largely avoided this power structure in my professional career as a result)

However, when you really analyze it, we have installed bosses throughout our lives. Most of us wake up to an alarm clock. This electronic patron informs us that it is time to get out of our comfortable beds and start our days. Some of us have relied on applications installed on our phones that alert us of our next appointment, tell us when to head to the airport, or even which medication we should take that day. We rely on physical journals to mark down our daily caloric intake so that we can take control of our weight. And, who hasn't hired a personal trainer or attended a class at a gym run by one because we know we wouldn't do the hard work otherwise if this physically fit person wasn't barking at us to keep going?

All of these things assume a hierarchy over our lives, if we let them. But, here is the key "if we let them." That alarm clock has a snooze button. Those phone apps can be silenced. We can "misplace" our food journals. And we can also choose to not go to the gym. We have to want to be led.

One way we can get to that point of submitting to a boss is to understand the full spectrum of what they do for us. Certainly, they help us get to a goal (Be on time; Lose weight; Stay on track). But, just as significant, they also shape us, reform us, and contain us.

It's that last one that works so much for those who lean toward the submissive side of this power exchange. Many of us thrive when we are contained. Many of us feel liberated only after we have been shackled. We do not have to worry about appearing to lead, but dutifully, passionately follow and carry out commands.

I was recently away from home on business for a time longer than I could remember. Once I came home, my girl started listing all of the times she felt frustrated, uncertain and unsafe (this wasn't immediate - she relished the first 24 hours I was away). She came to a conclusion that once spoken gave me such a rush:

"I really think I need a boss in my life."

Signora, si. 

les cheveux

I was shelving old anthologies of ragtime sheet music, when i first caught glimpse of her. In this tony and bland music library, her appearance clashed with the surroundings like a single golden leaf on an otherwise empty sidewalk. As quick as i could, i abruptly slammed the dusty collections in my hands to the floor and bolted into the aisle, only to see her turn the corner towards the exit. I conjured up some reason why i needed to run outside, tossing it at my manager as i sped by. Once outside on the street, i scanned the horizons to my left and right, finally seeing her 50 feet up the pathway towards the Arts and Sciences campus. I instantly took up the pursuit.

As i made up ground between us, i tried to think of what i'd say to spark a conversation:

"You dropped this..." - but i wouldn't have anything that she'd dropped
"Hi. I noticed you were in the traditional music section. I happen to be an expert in the field, and thought i'd offer you my assistance." - too trite and a bit on the creepy side
"Pardon me. But i saw you in the library, and just knew i had to say hello or regret it for a very long time." - much better, but still too wordy
"Excuse me. I just saw you in the library, i felt compelled to tell you how beautiful your hair is."

I hadn't actually seen her face, or even much of her figure as she passed me in the library stacks. What caught my eye - what always catches my eye - was her hair. Her rich chestnut locks cascaded all the way to the lower mid part of her back, with several pieces pulled over her face and shoulders. It responded to her body's turns with reciprocal flips and sashays. And every single locomotive quality enticed me. The deep dark color, however, pushed into my gut, awakening a hunger. I instantly imagined my nose sifting through it, pummeled by the perfume of her shampoo and natural oils from her scalp. I felt it curled around my fingers, as i raked through its abundance, the silk strong and tender.

Just as i reached her, she flipped her hair over her ear with her right hand, stroking the torture of her beautiful appearance. We ended up having a wonderful conversation that day. I won't say for how long, or whether it ever ended. But i will say, all these years, she's never cut her gorgeous hair.

Tunnel vision

Immediately, I feel the need to react.

There are few things like this in my life. I can pause my growing hunger for very long periods. I can perform throughout my day on very little sleep from the night before. I can run past the point of my fatigue.

But when faced with my girl taking that first step into the unfairly tilted game I've set up for her that evening, I am completely arrested on the spot and unable to ignore it.

We both love puzzles. We love the idea of tackling a challenge. But, these types of games cannot be put down, and casually picked up later. They demand an immediate solution.

I cannot see anything but her struggle. I cannot smell anything but the sweet poison of her warming sexual arousal. I hear only the whimpers and groans. Soon, my uncommonly strong restraint disappears, and my only choice is to react.

Only then do these blinders lift.