Monday, December 14, 2009

Top me, oh Top me, please.

Ever since my girl got me an iPod Touch for Christmas last year, i have developed a gradually growing addiction for podcasts. This format has an incredible versatility because the shows can run the gamut of slick, professionally produced media spectacles to the low budget dude-with-a-mic-in-his-living-room-just-chatting. Couple that with how they are delivered to me, only in my ear, an air of intimacy has built up around my listening experience. As it shouldn't be a surprise, i've gone in search of kinky, SM podcasts, and to my surprise there are a good number of them. It's quite an enjoyable thrill to queue up one of these sexual broadcasts, board my morning subway train, and listen to tales of dykes packing dicks, bisexual sex parties, or a latex couples' weekend - all the while surrounded by my completely oblivious fellow commuters.

One thing i've noticed, and it's echoed here in the kinky blogosphere, is the absolute dearth of straight, male dominants/Tops hosting their own podcast (and if indeed there is a show, please feel free to let me know. I'd love to tune in). There is an endless number of quality shows consistent of females of all sexuality, and there are even a number of submissive males. Where are the straight male Tops? Does our viewpoint not excite enough of a following that a podcast hosted by one would find its way into my iTunes store? Some of this is self-explanatory. There just isn't an audience for the male perspective, especially when that perspective is trying to entice a female audience.

And that's when another thought occurred to me. In a good number of these shows, there are plenty of stories of men paying women a fee for a session of sadistic domination. None of these stories go in the opposite direction. Why have i never heard of a pro straight, male Dominant?

Economically, this means there isn't a market for submissive women to pay some male to practice his sadistic side upon them. I'm not sure what this says about the genders. Automatically, I draw conclusions that it is a product of our male-dominated society. But that is my intellectual assessment. Emotionally, identifying with male sexuality, I feel like a creep. That I have the internal capacity just as a male to need sex so much that I would dole out money feels gross, feels a little unhealthy. Admittedly, the perception is that boys think about sex more than girls. I'm told WAY more than girls, but that is the kind of gross over-generalization that i care not to make on these pages. That being said, it makes sense, or at least the absence of this kind of media isn't a shock. Maybe male Tops have to maintain a certain mystique that the oral/aural presentation of a podcast doesn't fit? Maybe they are those of few words, and thus couldn't fill the timeslot allocated for a show. Maybe trust is a bigger deal with women, and men will put themselves in considerably riskier scenarios just to blow their load.

I genuinely cannot offer an explanation for why there isn't a bevy of submissive females who need to be under the firm hand of a sadistic Top so badly that they are willing to pay hard-earned cash, or, at the very least, tune-in to hear him talk about it.


Clemmi said...

Ahum... right... i think...the title says it all. Maybe you should change it to: "Top me, oh top me, please, for free..."

littlegirl said...

i'll bite. at the risk of sounding arrogant, i would never pay for a guy to dominate me for the same reasons i would never pay a guy to have sex with me: 1. i don't need to. all i need to do is go to a bar or on craigslist, and i can easily find a guy that will sleep with me. (it's not because i'm a supermodel, mostly it's because so many guys have low, or no, standards.) 2. it doesn't get me off to pay for sex. lots of people find paying a turn on. i would find it horrible. i want to be wanted (even by a guy with low standards). something about having to pay for the service would make me feel unattractive or defective. (not a judgment on those that pay, rather my own feeling on the matter).

but a podcast of a dominant guy? i would FOR SURE listen to that.

violet said...

I'm picky about my partners and I'm willing to spend money to travel to see them, which is sort of compensatory, given that our experiences together are mutually gratifying.

I would consider paying money to be topped by a pro-dom, especially if they were particularly skilled at something I wanted, and my dominant partner allowed it. But you're right, trust is huge for many submissive women, with good reason.

Interesting podcasts by straight male tops include Power in Practice and The Ropecast.

Kristen said...

I would definitely tune in if there was a show hosted by a dominant man.
In my own personal experience, I have found that there are just more men that want to be submissive. Or it is possible that I just attract those kind of men more than dominant ones, but I think there is a social stigma attached to being a dominant man. My husband and a few other dominant men have told me that they were made to feel like they were practically ogres for wanting a woman to submit to them. A sexually dominant woman seems to be more socially acceptable than a sexually dominant man. I could go on, but I wont take up that much space here...this is the first time I have commented on your blog, though I read it religiously. I would love to be able to listen to a show you did. Are you thinking about it?
Anxious for your next post, K

goodgirl said...

Well Deity, Sir
I pose the question to you: Why have _you_ not created your very own podcast?

I know for certain I would be willing to add that to my continual collection and I am willing to guess many others would as well. ;)


sera said...

Just to let you know that Twisted Monk not only has his own podcasts (usually ones involving conversations with one of his partners, Mistress Matisse), but also works as a Top-for-pay. Yes, he's one of the very rare breed--the pro straight male Dom.

aurumgirl said...

I think they're out there, the male dom podcasters, but they're in a minority. Just as a lot of male dom bloggers are in the minority. As for why women don't pay for pro-doms, as a rule: most women don't pay for sex by buying prostitutes. I think you hit the nail right on the head when you wrote that that says something about genders in our society. In my thoughts it would be gender, sexuality, and socialization of the sexes in our society--but then I wouldn't leave out plain old economics, either. One big reason is that women don't have the same kind of disposable income men do, and what they do have, they tend to spend very differently from men.

You may hate to hear this but just divorce your emotion from it for a moment and think of it as sheer, philosophical research: many feminists who specialize in sexuality, economics, and psychology have written libraries about the possible whys and wherefores of this very question, analyzed. Not about the podcasts, of course, but about the way men and women relate to each other sexually, in all permutations. It's fascinating reading, offering a spectrum of different perspectives. And feminism has been the only branch of philosophy to engender this kind of study (otherwise I'd have pointed you to look elsewhere, too) As for who to read? Start anywhere.

I also think you may have hit a neglected market, with your idea for a podcast. It's something you should look into (nothing against him, but Twisted Monk, for example, is not everyone's cup of tea: you're not him, and that could make a heck of a lot of difference to an untapped audience).

Deity said...

For that all i need to say?

I wouldn't pay to have sex with someone either. Although, i will say, there is something arousing to roleplaying with a lover that she's a prostitute and that you've paid her to perform kinky acts for you. Now, why is that?

Thank you for your suggestions. I'd known about The Ropecast. Looks like PIP is unfortunately defunct for the time being.

Any more suggestions from anyone else?

But what would you want this dominant, straight man to talk about? The weather? Would you want him to read stories? Have him simply offer his observations? Thank you for dropping a comment for the first time.

And yes, contemplating it.

1). Don't have the right equipment
2). Don't know where to host it
3). Not really sure what the subject matter should be. What would be interesting?
4). Just hadn't occurred to me

Does his show offer the kinda Top talk you're looking for?

Another 'Yay' vote for me to explore doing a podcast. Anyone out there who thinks it would be an awful idea?

sera said...


I don't often listen to podcasts, actually, so I should issue that disclaimer. But no, it doesn't, because he and Mistress Matisse generally gives all-around kinky advice, and so he doesn't seem to me to be offering a top's point of view. Anyway, I think there's always room for more voices and would love to hear yours!

Clemmi said...

You don't NEED to say anything...just...put on your Moby's "a seated night"...cover her eyes...touch her head...and begin undressing her...

doll said...

I tend to agree with Kristen that the dearth of dominant men is in part due to the problems that might accrue from revealing themselves. I have found it almost impossible to get photos of my dominant male contacts even though I would respect their privacy and only enjoy the photos in secrecy.

Deity said...

Why do you think that level of secrecy is required? I know i feel that way, for sure. Not sure why others do.

Katerina Minola said...

Might the lack of Pro Male Doms have something to do with pride? I have trouble believing that a dominant male would belittle himself by offering his services for a fee when the mentality is that submissives should be petitioning for his attention.


Deity said...

But here's the thing: I think pro Dommes take great pride in making powerful men paying for the right to humiliate them. They certainly aren't belittling themselves. If anything, they are supporting themselves off the back of lowly, worthless, desperate Captains of Industry. Nothing shameful in that.

So, that being said, why aren't rich, established, betrothed women beating down my door to offer me a retainer for my services?

Katerina Minola said...

Then I would think it would have to be supply and demand. As backwards as humans have made the acquiring of mates, with females being expected to attract males instead of vice versa as in most of nature, the fact is we still hold the keys. We get to make the final choice, and the law backs this power. We can dress provocatively and hit a bar and get a dozen requests to choose from, so why pay?
We also tend to require more attention than men, so maybe the thought of being just a "client" is upsetting.
These are not my personal feelings, just theories. Personally, I believe you always get an equal return on an investment, so, if I picked up some random dude at a bar I could hardly expect him to be Casanova and share a mind-blowing connection, but if I was after the best experience possible......I would seek the most reputable pro I could retain. *blush*
And I have read enough of your blog to GUESS that even if women were throwing money at you to top them, you would have little interest.