You would think at this stage of the game that i don't need further evidence of my position on the dominant side of the SM coin. And honestly, it's largely true. I don't seek further validation of my place in this dynamic (despite the myriad reasons that crop up, reminding us that we're still not in the "green zone"), yet i cannot stop those instances in my life where such validation occurs.
We were preparing ourselves for our dinner date. That evening, we would have the pleasure of sharing a meal with meg and her beau. My girl was rifling through her various outfits, trying to find the one that wouldn't overstate her appearance, but would also not misrepresent it. In the end she chose to wear her tuxedo corset, with an accompanying long, black skirt and heels. I remember that i needed to remind her of the exchanges meg and i had engaged in regarding this double date, only because these details are largely left omitted from her, and that it would make for smoother conversation if she had more background. One of the things i'd mentioned was that i'd like her to discuss the phenomenon of cumming on command with meg.
"Why's that? Well, i think it would be really interesting to - just bring it up. You know this is something i'm interested in."
Already, it became evident to me how this topic would be something that wouldn't have my girl's full attention, thus making it all the less likely that she'd bring it up over dinner. I sat a little while and fumed over this, knowing that i was in an untenable position. Certainly, i could force my girl to chat with meg (who she was just meeting for the first time) about her ability to cum on command, but there would be one thing that was severely lacking in the discussion: my girl's desire to cum.
It's true. My girl doesn't have a burning desire to masturbate. In fact, it wouldn't be a complete misrepresentation to say that more often than not, i've suggested that she go into the bedroom and masturbate several times more than i've ever "caught" her masturbating (truthfully, such a discovery hasn't happened). Believe me when i say this, i would LOVE it if i were to "catch" her curled up in a fetal position on our bed, making the dirty and nasty with the Hitachi shoved firmly between her legs. Alas, it just isn't her priority.
This doesn't mean we don't have an active, feral sex life. Quite the contrary. But what it does mean is that i've never been able to withhold orgasms from her as a method of correction or punishment. Honestly, were i to ban her from cumming for a week's time, she'd simply look at me with a look that registered one single word:
Turning back to that evening, i reminded her of how meg is one who really responds to the withdrawal of permission to orgasm. She finds it both frustrating and exciting. I waited...let a few beats pass into the air, to see if my girl would offer her accordance with this point of view and then i remembered, it doesn't have the same impact on her.
And that is when the reaffirmation began to materialize.
"Darlin, what do you think of the idea that i might forbid you from masturbating?"
"Well, i think the idea is interesting. I really like the idea of somehow being controlled, even if it's not something i regularly do."
I smiled, and then i thought about it myself. How would i react if my partner suddenly decided that i couldn't masturbate for a week, a month, or even an entire year. I WOULD BE PISSED. And that's when the clarity plopped me hard upon the head. I know for a fact that i wouldn't react in any sort of positive fashion should someone decide that they wanted to control my masturbatory behavior. And, honestly, i can't think of a clearer indication of one's side of the SM coin.
Even my girl, who doesn't really enjoy or have a drive to masturbate, found something stimulating in the idea of control. Whereas, i bristled, bucked and battled with the idea. There might be those of you out there who feel that this is just an isolated example, but for someone who isn't looking for reasons to define myself as the dominant in my partnership, this one came across loud and clear.
For the record, we didn't speak about this in our outing during our dinner date with meg and her amazing beau. It didn't even occur to me to bring it up (nor would it have occurred to my girl - NEXT time) because we were having too much fun breaking the ice and chatting about topics all of us do not normally get to chat about in person, live, and engagingly.