Saturday, March 13, 2010


You would think at this stage of the game that i don't need further evidence of my position on the dominant side of the SM coin. And honestly, it's largely true. I don't seek further validation of my place in this dynamic (despite the myriad reasons that crop up, reminding us that we're still not in the "green zone"), yet i cannot stop those instances in my life where such validation occurs.

We were preparing ourselves for our dinner date. That evening, we would have the pleasure of sharing a meal with meg and her beau. My girl was rifling through her various outfits, trying to find the one that wouldn't overstate her appearance, but would also not misrepresent it. In the end she chose to wear her tuxedo corset, with an accompanying long, black skirt and heels. I remember that i needed to remind her of the exchanges meg and i had engaged in regarding this double date, only because these details are largely left omitted from her, and that it would make for smoother conversation if she had more background. One of the things i'd mentioned was that i'd like her to discuss the phenomenon of cumming on command with meg.

"Why's that?"

"Why's that? Well, i think it would be really interesting to - just bring it up. You know this is something i'm interested in."

Already, it became evident to me how this topic would be something that wouldn't have my girl's full attention, thus making it all the less likely that she'd bring it up over dinner. I sat a little while and fumed over this, knowing that i was in an untenable position. Certainly, i could force my girl to chat with meg (who she was just meeting for the first time) about her ability to cum on command, but there would be one thing that was severely lacking in the discussion: my girl's desire to cum.

It's true. My girl doesn't have a burning desire to masturbate. In fact, it wouldn't be a complete misrepresentation to say that more often than not, i've suggested that she go into the bedroom and masturbate several times more than i've ever "caught" her masturbating (truthfully, such a discovery hasn't happened). Believe me when i say this, i would LOVE it if i were to "catch" her curled up in a fetal position on our bed, making the dirty and nasty with the Hitachi shoved firmly between her legs. Alas, it just isn't her priority.

This doesn't mean we don't have an active, feral sex life. Quite the contrary. But what it does mean is that i've never been able to withhold orgasms from her as a method of correction or punishment. Honestly, were i to ban her from cumming for a week's time, she'd simply look at me with a look that registered one single word:


Turning back to that evening, i reminded her of how meg is one who really responds to the withdrawal of permission to orgasm. She finds it both frustrating and exciting. I waited...let a few beats pass into the air, to see if my girl would offer her accordance with this point of view and then i remembered, it doesn't have the same impact on her.

And that is when the reaffirmation began to materialize.

"Darlin, what do you think of the idea that i might forbid you from masturbating?"

"Well, i think the idea is interesting. I really like the idea of somehow being controlled, even if it's not something i regularly do."

I smiled, and then i thought about it myself. How would i react if my partner suddenly decided that i couldn't masturbate for a week, a month, or even an entire year. I WOULD BE PISSED. And that's when the clarity plopped me hard upon the head. I know for a fact that i wouldn't react in any sort of positive fashion should someone decide that they wanted to control my masturbatory behavior. And, honestly, i can't think of a clearer indication of one's side of the SM coin.

Even my girl, who doesn't really enjoy or have a drive to masturbate, found something stimulating in the idea of control. Whereas, i bristled, bucked and battled with the idea. There might be those of you out there who feel that this is just an isolated example, but for someone who isn't looking for reasons to define myself as the dominant in my partnership, this one came across loud and clear.


For the record, we didn't speak about this in our outing during our dinner date with meg and her amazing beau. It didn't even occur to me to bring it up (nor would it have occurred to my girl - NEXT time) because we were having too much fun breaking the ice and chatting about topics all of us do not normally get to chat about in person, live, and engagingly.


David said...

I enjoyed reading your little bits here about masturbation control. Many readers are familiar with megs cumming on command as one form of masturbation control, and have read about her reactions to being restricted. Then you talk about how your girl might feel about being restricted, and she thinks the control might be interesting, "really like the idea of somehow being controlled."

Have you ever consider the idea of a control that insists, rather than restricts? So many times, we Doms/Tops implement directives that take away something desired, but what about the idea of requiring something that is not a burning desire?

littlegirl said...

I *hate* having my orgasms taken away (denied). It pisses me off to no end, and leaves me feeling like fighting, not the least bit aroused or submissive-feeling. It's something I've struggled with a lot. I feel like I'm *supposed* to just love this idea, but I don't. Orgasm restrictions are arousing to me (like the idea that I can only come certain ways, or under certain circumstances, or thinking about certain things). But flat-out denial causes me to freak out.

I feel entitled to my sexual pleasure, and I don't like the idea of anyone taking it away from me. I like David's suggestion. If someone told me I had to come a certain number of times, I would love that. That hasn't happened, though. I think maybe because I'd like it too much for the idea to appeal to the sadists I seem to submit to ;)

Anonymous said...

that was a fun night. :) i think if such a conversation were ever to happen, though, it'd have to be led by the guys. i mean, i like to masturbate and all, but i don't have a lot to say about it, generally speaking. i can actually really relate to kitty's blase perspective about the act itself. masturbating is something that i do that i find fun, and that occasionally helps me sleep, but i haven't been doing it for my whole life like some women. it's something i discovered (somewhat begrudgingly in fact) when i was already an adult.

regardless of what path the conversation takes, luke and i are all for another meeting (once the thesis gets finished, of course). that whole night really was fun. :)

doll said...

In response to little girl's comment I think that having to masturbate on command is far worse than not being allowed. When I masturbate it is for relaxation and pleasure. Once it becomes compulsory it stops being a pleasure and becomes a chore. Then there is the additional problem that clits only have a certain number of times that they will come before they get too aroused and it becomes impossible and vaginal orgasms are a reflex action that can go on and on indefinitely becoming more and more painful and less and less meaningful.

So although I get antsy when on orgasm denial I do know the end result will be absolute heaven, this makes denial a better proposition for me than compulsory orgasm.

Deity said...

I have put in place a masturbation requirement. And she complied. Too well. I didn't get any sadistic thrill out of it because she treated it the same way she treats sweeping up the apartment - it needs to get done. She has made a career of working her butt off at not giving me sadistic thrills, the little scamp.

of course if you loved the idea, it's not going to be interesting to us sadistic pricks.

sorry to say, darlin, but we love it when you feel like fighting. L-O-V-E.

interesting. blase about the act. i wonder if this is more common amongst girls than it would be for boys. I feel like boys are almost NEVER blase about it.

That said, i'd enjoy a conversation about male masturbation with Luke.

well, back to my point to lg, these are not the kind of things you should be telling sadistic gentlemen. you're making the game too entirely easy if you reveal all of the things that upset or irk you.

reminds me of an interrogation scene...